


Ashes in the Snow

by xx_Ash_xx



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:14:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26667301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xx_Ash_xx/pseuds/xx_Ash_xx
Summary: An alternate story of The 100 focusing mainly on Clarke and Lexa's storyline, starting off from the point Clarke left Camp Jaha after the Mt.Weather. A few new characters a little more of those we didn't enjoy enough in the series and a little deeper dive in the poorly explored aspects of the show. Lots of emotions, Clexa, Trigedasleng and Commander stuff.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 22
Kudos: 54





	1. Soul Burn

**Author's Note:**

> This is not finished yet, I've finally separated it into chapters, but there are some storylines to be added also need to have it proof-read by a native speaker etc, but If you've found it and read it, stay tuned! I plan to finish this, but there is still a lot of the story to be told, so please be patient. Constructive comments are welcome, thank you!
> 
> \--------------------------
> 
> Story begins few weeks into Clarke's self imposed exile in wilderness after the battle of Mt. Weather.

Weeks passed since Clarke left Camp Jaha, she wasn't sure how many, since she didn’t feel like keeping track. All she knew - it wasn’t long enough. Long enough to make her heart ache less, long enough to make her mind more at ease, long enough to make her demons loosen the grip they had on her. Long enough for the images of death, burned into her mind to fade... and she wasn’t sure if any amount of time ever would be.

\-------

Today was no different. Here she was again, struggling to drag her feet across the forest floor, thirsty, hungry and riddled with scratches all over her being. Most shallow, some a little deeper, though none as deep as the cuts that populated her soul. Clarke hasn't eaten much since she's been out here by herself. She would have perhaps made more effort in trying to feed herself, if only her appetite wasn’t as dead as her victims.  
A memory of recent events had burned deep down in her soul, devouring her insides and eating away at her. She wasn't sure she could eat even if the food was ready right there in front of her and God knows she has never been this hungry in her life.

But she can't eat...she hardly swallowed the few berries and nuts she came across that she knew were safe to eat, but somehow it all made her sick. Even drinking water left her feeling betrayed. She hoped it would not just quench her thirst but perhaps wash away the sour, ash filled taste, from her mouth, one that she somehow couldn't get rid off ever since she inhaled the air in the now mass grave of Mount Weather. She hoped she would be able to wash away the images of the people burning when she tried to wash the dirt off her face, but she couldn’t, so she stopped trying.

She was walking and walking. Directionless, purposeless, perhaps hoping that she would eventually find some sort of absolution. That or perhaps peace in death, both seemed like an acceptable outcome. She always wandered around, stopped when she couldn't walk anymore then collapsed from exhaustion. Day after day, she repeated this ritual. Forced some food and water down her throat when she really had to, just enough to keep herself alive. Each day like the one before, wandering without destination, haunted by the ghosts, the screams, the smell and the ever present flashing images of the horrors she has experienced in the past weeks...horrors she has very often been the main perpetrator of.

\-------

It was late afternoon and Clarke was walking - if it could be even called that anymore as any grace associated with the action of walking has all but disappeared from the action Clarke has dedicated herself to in these past weeks. If anything, it appeared as if her soul turned into a ghost that haunts the surrounding lands, dragging her now questionably physical body along with it. Somehow a part of her hoped that if she kept at it long enough, she’d really turn into such a ghost. Perhaps that would be a fitting fate for her. Haunting these woods forever with the remainder of things she has done, to pay for them until the end of times as she was sure, she will never forget all the things she had done since she landed on the ground.

Lost in her thoughts, she marched on, her mind drowning in the hatred for herself mixed with the hatred for a certain other individual..

Along with the images of bubbling flesh still vividly flashing in front of her eyes, Jasper's sobs ringing in her ears and pain screaming through his bloodshot eyes as he cried hunched over Maya's limp body and the eyes of another, staring back at her in the darkness. The bright green eyes, full of unspoken words she tried to decipher, the unreadable expression and the echoing words, that stabbed through her heart like a shard of ice, breaking, freezing and piercing her heart leaving her gasping for the cold air of the night.

_"May we meet again..."_

\--------

Clarke's hungry blank expression settled on an empty space before her as her dragging mindless steps got stopped by the sudden lack of ground before her. She arrived at the edge of a ravine that spread out far ahead, framed by the golden stripe of light of the slowly setting sun on the horizon. Had it not reminded her of fire and the burning flesh that was ever present in her memory and the ravine not reflecting the hollowness of her soul, she would find the sight beautiful, something she’d even like to draw. But now, all she felt was void. Void that stretched out to infinity just like the space before her and the only thing that wandered into her mind at that moment was a consideration, a tug of war taking place in her thoughts. Whether or not to take a step further into the abyss, become one with the empty feeling inside. It was tempting. After a moment, that seemed to have lasted a few seconds while possibly also lasting hours, of the silent dialogue going on inside her head, analysing the feeling it gave her, Clarke has decided to slowly turn around and stumble on in the opposite direction, but not without an almost imperceptible, yet not fully unconscious feeling of disappointment. 

She wasn't sure what it was, that made her turn around. Maybe it was cowardice, maybe she didn't want to die afterall or perhaps she just didn't have the strength to end her own life. Maybe it was the masochistic desire, the guilt, that didn't allow her to take the easy way out, as she surely didn't deserve to be freed of all the pain. If anything she felt the need to be punished or it may have been the fleeting desire a hope that she will eventually make sense of everything if she continued living. Perhaps out there somewhere there was an answer, something that could help her make sense of it all, but she didn’t hope too fiercely.

It wasn’t just the Mountain and the sting of betrayal ever present in the back of her mind, it was everything...everything that has happened since they landed on the ground, everything she has done to survive, every decision she has made. Decisions that cost lives, decisions that left blood of hundreds on her hands and she was left wondering what it had been all for... As happy as she was for getting her friends back, she couldn't quite cope with the cost of it all, the price she had paid...the lives she took in exchange for theirs and the lasting, lingering taste of betrayal left on her lips by the kiss and unanswered questions, that burned on them.... why....why did you do this to me...how could you... Clarke's heart always broke a little more, cracked in a new spot, everytime that moment replayed in her head..

\------

As she dragged her feet, a blank expression and eyes fixed at the imaginary spot far beyond the trees in front of her, she managed to miss a few rocks that seemed to have appeared just under her feet, stepping on a loosely laying one that tipped over. Before realizing it, her eyes suddenly widened with the surprise, she let out a swallowed gasp as she tripped over, twisting her ankle and falling on her knees and face, rolling several yards down the adjacent hillside on her left, tumbling down, hitting rocks and branches, tearing her clothes and skin even more, missing some and hitting other fallen trunks, breaking branches on the way, ending up being stopped by a stump of a broken tree with a loud thud.

A sharp cry of pain escaped Clarke's throat as the spiked pieces of the dry wood that were sticking out from the stump pierced her right arm and leg. Followed by pained moans and gasps as she limply tried to remove herself from the remains of the tree that she was now practically nailed to. She managed to pull herself away from the protruding pieces of the wood, now stabbed in her flesh, with a loud cry and collapsed on the ground next to it. A single tear streamed from her eye, followed by many more that now flowed on her dirt covered, scratched cheeks.

She covered her bleeding leg with a piece of moss growing on the trunk with her injured arm, attempting to slow the bleeding feeling sorry for herself and broken inside out. Her dry and cracked lips were slowly getting soaked by her silent tears and what must have been blood from the lip she cut with her teeth when she collided with the trunk. As she laid on the ground, next to the stump, exhausted from the fall, tirst, hunger and sobbing, darkness started to slowly take over the surrounding woods. Clark has managed to pull a nearby drying branch of a pine tree over herself as a pathetic attempt at a blanket and slowly started drifting into a dream state as the night and exhaustion began to take over. All she could think of was a desire for all this to be over, her fleeting will to remain conscious was starting to slip and the darkness began to take a hold of her.

\---------------


	2. Stranger in the Night

The dark night sky turned into a dark blue water...endless water..a lake, an ocean. Beautiful, but terrifying. Vast and ominous as she felt it engulfing her, overcoming her will, pulling her deeper , she floated in the overpowering current. The color changed to black, closer to the center of the view, but green on the edges, now pulling her out, the focus zooming out to leave nothing but two green eyes staring at her from the black void..

..."Clarke"..

A voice from the depths.

... _"not everyone, not you"_.... echoed in her mind.

The soft pink lips touching hers, the quiet gasp...the taste of the lips...soft, sweet...warm... passion, beginning to take over her...hot, now fire, consuming her..

.. all consuming fire..fire that was passion, that was hatred, that was agony, the burning flesh, the unspoken hurt that had the walls of her heart collapsing in on themselves, the choking paralyzing pain that spread through her insides as if the fire had spilled into her, as if she drank water that was in fact liquid fire, now burning her alive from the inside. Her flesh bubbling, blistering, blackening as her body laid on the concrete floor surrounded by dozens and dozens of other bodies now multiplying to infinity around her. Burning, blistering, disintegrating...screaming..

"Clarke"

Clarke woke up with a scream, shock, tears in her eyes. Gasping for air, her racing heart followed by sudden realization of ever present pain that seemed to have stemmed from her soul, but she realized that her body was hurting all over. Her bones, her flesh, her skin... there was hardly a place that wasn't bruised, scratched, cut, covered in dirt or blood. She wasn't sure where the pain began and where she ended, as if they were one.

After a few seconds she realized she was awake now. In the forest, but she wasn't in the same spot she collapsed in and she wasn’t alone. A fire was crackling nearby and a silent figure was slouched over her holding her shoulders.

"It's ok Klarke, it was only a dream. You're safe now."

Clarke wasn't suddenly sure if she had really woken from the dream as the voice she was hearing simply couldn't have been the one she knew it was. Paralyzed and shocked from the sensory overload and the sinking realization of everything that was happening, she stared into a patch of grass in front of her with a slightly terrified but mostly blank expression. Trying to process everything, trying to understand what was happening and where she was.

And who was there.

"Klark?"

Her heart started racing again as she began to panic, her breath quickened, getting overwhelmed by the rush of contradictory emotions she couldn't handle. The relief and the comfort she felt from the familiar presence, the desire to sink into the embrace of the person next to her followed by the intense hatred, disgust, sour taste of betrayal and fear which ultimately just mixed into one thing - pain.

"Klarke, you need to calm down. Breath."

Clarke was now starting to come to her senses a little and she pushed herself away, knocked away the arms that held her shoulders with fury and jumped away towards a nearby tree, stopped the agony of her aching body as she collided with its trunk. Now sitting with her arms hugging her knees, tears streaming down her cheeks and a hurt, terrified expression of an abused animal backed into a corner, she looked at the person near the campfire with the intense hatred and fear beaming from her eyes.

It was still dark, but the fire was casting light on the features of the figure nearby. Dressed mostly in blackish clothes, with all kinds of warrior straps and holsters for weapons and light chainmail and shoulder guards, perhaps too light for a serious battle, but appropriate for hunting or long travels. That and the stunning face, lined with a little too perfect jaw, the full pink lips and staggering green eyes, reflecting the flames of the campfire, looking at her quietly.

Clarke sat there for a while, unable to form words. Her blue eyes fixed at the person across, silently exchanging....something.... with the verdant eyes across. Clarke's own, watery, filled with hatred, welling up with tears that clung to her eyes like a thin transparent glue. And on the other side...hers....green, beautiful, silent, filled with an ocean of unknowable things, staring calmly back at her, giving away everything and nothing at the same time.

" _What_ are you doing here!? What the hell do you want!?" She blurted out angrily.

"You needed my help Klark. So I am here.” The voice said.

"Oh, now you wanna help me??!” Clarke replied caustically.

“I needed your help a few weeks ago, I don't need your help anymore. I don't _want_ your help! Go fuck yourself Lexa!"

Clarke turned away her gaze irritably towards a seemingly important spot on a ground. She was now angrier than moments ago, but the avalanche of hatred roaring inside got stopped for a brief moment by a realization, that her pierced arm and leg were bandaged and the more prominent cuts on her body felt a bit different since they were covered in what must have been some type of ointment as they felt a little gooey, but in a good way. But that only lasted a short moment. Realization of this flooded her insides with even more mixed feelings which lead to even more anger. _How does she dare to care for me now, what gives her the right?_ How audacious, making her feel tenderness that only made her heart open up to more of the hurt she was already feeling too much of. She could never trust her again after what happened. Clarke was furious. All this made her want to jump at Lexa's throat and choke her to death, but not wanting to lose composure in front of the Commander let alone go near her, she clenched her fists instead and zipped her lips into a tight line so strongly it would probably seal them together if she held them that way for long enough.

After all this has played out inside of her, the wheel of emotions stopped at a silent point. The dark calm took over and all the emotion left her face. With her eyes fixed on the ground and then some imaginary point in the darkness of the forest, she started to scramble up the trunk of the tree she was leaning against this whole time, exerting the last ounce of her strength in a struggle to stand up, clinging to the bark of the tree with her nails, her legs shaking as they were barely able to support the weight of her broken body. The dark and hateful expression returned to her face. With the campfire reflected in her blue eyes she pointed her ominous deadly look at Lexa as she turned around to react to the words aimed at her.

"Klark, you need to sit down, you are too weak to stand." Lexa ushered as she began to get up from her calm cross legged seated position near the fire.

Clarke pinned her down with one silent look, that almost cut through the evening air like a blade and stopped Lexa in her tracks.

"Don't you dare fucking move!"

Clarke said sharply, not yelling, but somehow more strongly than if she had. What seemed to be shock or even fear now briefly flashed behind Lexa's green eyes that were now looking, again expressionlessly and calmly, at Clarke.

Clarke reached down to her right thigh towards the bandage wrapped around her wound and started to undo the bandage slowly at first and then ripping it off in one swift harsh motion as the word's "Don't!" escaped Lexa's lips, instantly followed by Clarks angry yell "Shut up!"

"Shut. up. Lexa." Clarke said, slightly trembling, but her voice firm and cold, like the night around them.

Lexa now looked slightly angry herself, still mostly unreadable and fixed in place. The air around them was frozen still, but on fire. The intensity of the scene silenced all the noises of the night as if all the animals in the forest dared not to move or make a sound.

Clarke reached for her other bandage, the one on her right arm, just as Lexa was struggling in place deciding whether to move or stay in the spot and her body tensed up.

Clarke looked straight back at Lexa, slowly unwrapping the bandage with an almost masochistic pleasure as a realization began to surface in her consciousness. She was starting to, somehow half-consciously, understand something. She was able to hurt Lexa through this. Or at least she hoped for it. She felt a twisted pleasure in the back of her mind, as something inside of her discovered a way to take control and to inflict hurt upon the culprit of her own suffering. She desperately needed to make Lexa feel something.

Without breaking eye contact with Lexa as the bandage was unwrapping from around her upper arm, she realized a wordless exchange has been occurring between the two for some time now. It felt as though Clarke had finally found a way to communicate her feelings to Lexa.

All the unspoken questions, the blame, the pain, the hurt she felt, the taste of betrayal on her lips and the desire to hurt Lexa back. To make her fucking cold heart feel something. Make her feel what she was feeling. Somehow she just couldn’t find a way to make Lexa show any feelings at all and she hated her all the more for it, but now, even though she wasn’t sure how or why. Even though Lexa’s expression didn’t quite show anything. Clarke knew. She understood from the speechless conversation occurring between them in this moment, that she was in control. She has somehow conjured up an invisible line of communication with Lexa that allowed her to tell Lexa everything without saying a word. And all Lexa could do was to be a passive recipient of whatever Clarke decided to throw at her. Just stand there and let the pain be inflicted on her soul, if Clarke so wished, it gave Clarke a sick pleasure that was now overflowing in her veins along with the pain that has materialized to the point of replacing her blood. She stood there, darkness engulfing her whole being.

Clark stood there like a stone statue veiled in an ominous aura, Lexa just as motionless crouching, looking at her from several feet away in an uncomfortable mid-way position in between sitting down and standing up.

Clarke started to turn around and as she attempted to take a step to start walking away, Lexa moved slightly towards her with “Wait!” escaping from her throat.

Clarked turned around swiftly and pinned Lexa again in the spot, solely with her deathly stare. She started to reach with her left arm slowly and oddly mechanically towards the upper part of her right arm, and as if Lexa knew what she was about to do, she shouted a short and desperate “No!” drowned out by the pained groan Clark made as she dug the nails of her fingers into her wound.

Lexa’s expression lost signs of life, her face paling as her eyes began to water. The corner of Clark’s mouth rose up slightly in a barely visible crooked smile.

“I told you not to fucking move.” She dug her fingers deeper into her arm, blood spilling all over her sleeve and onto the ground.

Realizing one more thing, Clarke let a slight, almost too short to notice, laugh escape her chest. She reached to her knife strapped to her left calf with her right arm.

“No, Klark….please, Klarke, don’t..” Now visibly terrified, Lexa stood there frozen in place, looking at Clarke.

“Don’t. Talk.” Clarke pushed through her tightened lips. She pulled the knife from the sheet, lifted it up and in what seemed like a split second, she buried the blade into the already bleeding wound in her thigh.

“Klark!” Lexa shouted simultaneously with Clark’s loud cry of pain, followed by blood gushing from her leg onto the ground below her, first drop hit the floor the same moment a salty drop of water landed in front of Lexa’s feet as a single tear spilled over from her wet eyes.

Now again, Lexa attempted to try and make a move towards Clarke, but was stopped with a word of warning.

“Stop!! Don’t make another step or I’ll slice my leg open.” Clarke warned coldly.

Lexa stood there, with tears now gathering in her eyes, looking into Clarke’s burning blue ones, absorbing and fully realizing all she was telling her. Now you, stand there and helplessly watch me leave into the night and feel how I felt.

Clarke knew she had succeeded in her endeavor. She pulled the knife from her leg with a painful groan, tossed it on the ground in front of Lexa's feet and turned around with her blank gaze pointed down. All the anger and silent dark rage she felt a moment ago washed away and left her empty, adrenaline crashing and her blood flowing down from the arm and leg in a steady stream, leaving a small pool next to her foot. She set out into the night, leaving a trail of bloody droplets on the ground behind her.

“Don’t follow me.” Clarke ushered through her teeth feebly as she paused for a second before disappearing in darkness.

Lexa stood in the same spot, petrified, frozen solid, gaze fixated on the bloodied knife in front of her, unable to say or do anything, only thing about her exhibiting motion were tears flowing from her eyes, silently falling onto the ground below her.

Her mind was empty with shock. How could she do this to Clarke. She knew she had no choice; she must always do what is best for her people, her life belongs to them. She knew it would hurt Clarke as much as it hurt her. It nearly broke her to leave Clarke alone in front of Mt. Weather, she did what she had to do for her people, but she didn’t fully realize the depth of what it did to Clarke. What _she_ did to her. Her decision has left them both broken. But after this, now… it left her in even greater agony over her decision than she was in before. Clarke…. _I’m so sorry…I never meant to turn you into this..._

She stood there for a moment, overwhelmed by everything that just happened, but logic and reason were beginning to come back and overpower her troubled heart. She clenched her fists and blinked away the tears in her eyes and shook her head to help herself snap out of the emotional state of mind. Clarke is in danger, people out there are looking for her. The mighty Wanheda, the Commander of Death, everyone is after her, after all, it is why she set out to look for her. She couldn’t allow Clark to fall into the wrong hands...not just that, she didn’t want her to.

Life returned to her body with resolve washing over her. She must go after Clarke and get her to safety even though it was against Clarke’s wishes, restrain her if she had to. No matter how much Clarke hated her and didn’t want her near her, she had to ensure she was safe.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed from the moment Clarke left as it seemed the time had ceased to exist, but now she started to feel like it had been too long. She felt a strange anxious feeling in her stomach. A nagging feeling in the corner of her mind. She must go after Clarke. Now.

Lexa packed her things swiftly, collected Clarke’s blood stained knife from the ground, tucking it away with the remains of the dried blood behind her belt, clipped the cross shaped straps holding her two swords onto her back. She hastily put out the fire with her boots and set out into the dark forest.

\-----------

Lexa followed the trail of Clarke’s blood, footsteps and broken branches. After a short while of tracking her in the dark she came to a place where she found a large spot of blood mixed with soil where the ground was slightly deeper. Lexa looked around, scanning the area, analyzing the scene.

Clarke was here for sure, but seeing the blood trail pretty much ended here, Clark not being there and the appearance of the trodden down ground around the spot it was apparent, she collapsed there, but someone took her.

Lexa felt a sudden pang in her stomach that followed the realization, it was quickly chased away by her rational mind, on some level she had already known that Clarke had been taken before she would get to her. The short burst of anger aimed at herself was quickly overcome by resolve and focus. She shouldn’t have let this happen, but there was no point in dwelling on what she couldn’t change, she had to act now. She scanned the surrounding area more closely and found a pair of footsteps leading away from the spot heading upstream and north.

_Azgeda._

Lexa clenched her jaw and tightened her fists till her knuckles turned white. Looking up ahead into the now slowly dawning horizon she loosened up her muscles a little with a deep inhale and with an exhale she set out north.

_Please, Clarke, be alright... I’m coming for you._


	3. To the North

Clarke wasn’t sure where she was, what was happening or if it was even real. She couldn’t see, her head was covered in some sort of cloth, but her eyes caught the stray rays of soft light penetrating the fabric, it must be dawn now. All she remembered was that she was tired and bleeding, walking in the dark forest and now she was moving without her own effort, her head bobbing up and down in a rhythmic motion, she couldn't move her hands or her feet, a rope bound them together. Her mouth was gagged by a strip of cloth. Someone was carrying her. She tried to move, but was so utterly exhausted she was barely able to move her head an inch or before she slipped back into the oblivion of unconsciousness.

\--------------

Cold wet breeze blew under the cover of her head and woke her up. It was still day, she concluded, though she had no idea how long she had been unconscious, it may have been a new day by now, but she sincerely couldn’t say for sure how much time has passed since her confrontation with Lexa. She was lying on her back on what felt like wood and her ears seemed to support this idea. She could hear the low squeaking sound characteristic for bending wood. As she listened on, she could hear the sound of rhythmic splashing and water crashing against it. They were on a lake or a river of some sorts, Clarke was on a boat. Tied up, her head covered, her mouth gagged, certainly not how she imagined her first experience with boats to be like. _But why was she here?_ And even more importantly - _who took her?_ Obviously, she was somebody’s prisoner now. It couldn’t have been Lexa, she might have restrained her, but certainly wouldn't gag her and put a cover over her head. But then again, what did she really know about the Commander, she was sure she knew her back then, she wasn’t so sure anymore.

Her mind slipped back to the moment in the forest, she recalled the intensity of her anger and the desire to hurt Lexa, but didn’t really feel it anymore. She was still angry, hurt, but it wasn’t quite the same as before. Some part of her anger left her, but that part was now replaced by a different feeling she found unbelievably uncomfortable. One she couldn’t quite name. Or didn’t want to. _Guilt?_ No, it was more close to _shame_. The brief satisfaction she felt in that moment was gone and now she was hurting perhaps more than before. A feeling much resembling the feeling after shooting the sniper who held Lincoln hostage, the one she shot, but this was way worse. The sniper had to die, but Clarke wanted to kill him regardless - for revenge. But in the end she was left feeling empty and full of sorrow after she got her vengeance, but like then, her soul was now left emptier than it was before the incident. And all the worse for it, as it had everything to do with Lexa.

She wanted to get revenge on Lexa for her betrayal, but now after all that, she realized, it didn’t help her get rid of the anger and the consuming agony inside as what she was feeling was mostly directed at herself and now she felt even more broken, the weight of the realization sank in and pressed heavily on her chest. Not only did she inflict pain on another person by pointing the full concentration of her hatred towards someone, that may or may not have deserved it, but certainly wasn’t the right target for it. It was herself, she hated intensely this whole time and now felt ashamed for misplacing her anger and on top of that, now had nothing to shield her from the fact that she doesn't know how to live with herself. The anger she felt for Lexa was perhaps the only thing keeping her shattered pieces together, she clung to them as they were the only thing, keeping her from falling apart under the weight of everything she felt and it was all now coming undone. She started shaking and a sob left her throat.

_“Shof op!”_

Clarke froze, torn from her painful pondering by a harsh woman's voice. Definitely not Lexa’s. Clarke started to writhe, trying to free herself from the ropes wrapped around her wrists and ankles, jerking her head in all directions in an attempt to remove the cloth covering her head so she could get a view of her kidnapper, but only managed to bang her head into a part of the boat she was on. The fairly loud thud was quickly followed by a derisive laugh.

Clarke, now irritated and even more displeased, started to struggle again, trying to remove the cloth in her mouth and the cover over her head with more diligence.

“ _Chil au, Wanheda._ We are almost there.”

Not long after, the boat landed on the shore with a soft thud, nevertheless the impact shook the boat and made Clarke wobble from side to side a few times, making her head spin. Only now she realized she wasn’t feeling too well, her body was still heavily bruised, her arm and leg severely damaged from the injury that was partially self-inflicted. Well, in a way it was entirely self inflicted, if she counted in the complete lack of interest in her wellbeing that led her to it. On top of all that she hasn't eaten much for days and her mouth was parched, the moisty air around her has been the sole intake of water for the past day or so, her lips cracked dry from the cold and dehydration, part of them also caked with blood. She was in no shape to argue, yet alone do anything else.

The boat stopped swinging only to return to that same motion a moment later as the kidnapper jumped out of the boat in order to drag it further up the shore. Clarke’s head spun once more, she thought she might just puke, except there wasn’t anything in her stomach to throw up.

After a brief pause she heard an approaching figure, she felt it grabbing Clarke and lifting her up, rolling her over the kidnappers shoulder. Clarke tried to resist, but was too hurt and exhausted to put up much of a fight and after some more head spinning she passed out again.

\-------

The sun was already rising when Lexa arrived at the river bank, the tracks ended there. Small round rocks covering both sides of the river in fairly wide stripes didn’t help much with reading tracks, but Lexa was skilled in tracking and she could tell a heavy pair of steps turned right towards the river, where they disappeared into a noticeable groove on the shore. Whoever took Clarke was far away by now, they had a clear advantage as the river was flowing north towards the Great Lakes of _Azgeda_.

Lexa prayed that whoever took her didn’t plan going all the way there as that would make it impossible for her to catch up to them, especially on foot. They were likely to stop somewhere as Clarke was in no condition to travel too far, this alone gave Lexa a little more hope. She must hurry though, the kidnapper has a head start.

\-----

The journey was luckily quite uneventful, the lands in the area were mostly uninhabited as they weren’t an ideal place for living due to many reasons, one of them - it was almost at the border of Trikru and _Azgeda_ territory. Two clans held from the state of war only by a fragile alliance Lexa put in place, one that might easily break at any moment and nobody wanted to put themselves in such unnecessary risk, in case the peace didn’t last. Right now Lexa was grateful for that, she really didn’t want any trouble, being noticed here wouldn’t be good for more reasons than one, not to mention the Commander traveling alone, especially within potentially enemy territory was not a good idea. But this was Clarke, she couldn’t leave her to some probably horrible fate….again. And if anyone could bring her back alone, it was Lexa.

Lexa traveled as fast as she could, but the sky was starting to turn orange, the sun was beginning to set, she will have to make camp soon. But not yet, the clear guideline of the river and the mostly open area surrounding it offered a very comfortable path north, all she possibly needed to worry about was getting discovered, though these areas weren’t usually too heavily guarded by neither of the clans, but one can never be too careful.

She had to get herself something to eat, fortunately there were plenty of options around. Some berry bushes and spearing fish made for easy dinner, Lexa learned how to spear fish when she was 6, all she needed was a nice straight branch sharpened by one of her many knives. Only thing she was worried about was making fire, as it would be an easy way to attract attention to herself, be it from enemies or wild animals, but she was lacking in options. Up ahead not too far from her was a cluster of tall rocks, large enough to shield her from the wind and block the view of the campfire from at least two sides, not ideal, but it will have to be good enough. Lexa set up her hasty encampment, grilled the two small fish she caught and gulped down some of the berries she collected on the way. Lexa crouched next to the flowing river, pulled out Clarke’s knife and submerged it into the water in order to wash away the dried blood. Her chest tightened at the sight of it, the memory of the previous night still fresh in her mind. The blade fleshed briefly under the light of the dwindling moon and she saw her reflection in it, surprised by it, she quickly snapped out of the sentimental moment and tucked the knife behind her belt. There was no time for foolish thoughts. Two hours of sleep will have to do, she had to keep moving.

Lexa fell into a short restless dream, filled with chaotic images of Costia being tortured and her head being cut off, the head rolling towards her, only so she would realize it was Clarke’s head. She woke up with a sharp inhale and her heart racing. It was a dream. Just a dream. One she didn’t intend on ever becoming a real. It was time to head out.

\-------

The crackling sound of the fire woke her up. Clarke looked around to see where she was at. The cave was lit up from the fire, giving it a somewhat cozy feeling, despite the cold of its walls and the fact, she was being held captive and transported somewhere against her will, without even knowing why. There was a slight relief in realization, that her head was no longer covered and her mouth wasn’t gaged either. Her injured arm and leg were covered by a familiar red algae held in place with a fresh bandage. Her gun was of course not in its holster, she couldn’t see it anywhere. There was a small canteen of water and a flat piece of birch bark decorated with a fist of berries and a stripe of meat next to them. Whoever took her seemed to want her in decent shape. Though she found it part funny and part annoying that lately she has been waking up in places she didn’t fall asleep in, in the company of people she didn’t expect and with her injuries treated - the last part probably being the least annoying. Her arms and legs were still tied, this time with more space between her limbs than before, but tied to an almost column rising from the floor of the cave on what was basically a leash. _Great. Not friends then._ At least she wasn’t gaged anymore.

Clarke directed her gaze towards a person sitting next to the fire. A woman, in grounder clothing with little more furrs than she usually sees grounders wearing, beautiful, but somehow cold, her brown eyes quietly observing her as she chewed on a piece of cooked meat that she must have recently prepared.

“You’re awake. Good. Now eat, you are weak.”

Why do people keep telling her what to do? At least in the past few days?...though it was actually just two people, but still it was everyone she has met in these past weeks. She didn’t say anything for a moment, analyzing the situation and the woman sitting some ten feet from her on the other side of the campfire.

“Who are you and what do you want with me?”

There was a slight pause as the woman staring at her with her fierce brown eyes broke the silence with two short words.

“Eat. Drink.” She said and went back to her business of chewing.

“I’m not eating until you answer my questions!” Clarke said determinedly.

“Fine, then don’t.” The woman replied disinterestedly.

“Don’t you care if I die? You obviously want me alive or you would have killed me instead of trying to feed me.”

“It is preferred I deliver you alive, but not necessary.”

Clarke swallowed dry, a brief wave of fear passed through her body, but she quickly regained composure. Think, Clarke. Ok, she gave away at least something, that’s good. Guess the kidnapper wasn’t one who wanted her. She was just the delivery girl. If she keeps her in the conversation, she might be able to get some more information from her. Think Clarke, think...maybe there is a way out of here, but she was way too weak and knew nothing of where she was to attempt an escape. Yet.

Clarke didn’t realize that a longer amount of time had passed since she asked the question than she realized and was pulled from her thoughts by more words from her kidnapper.

“You can’t ask questions if you’re dead. You should eat, you lost a lot of blood.”

Clarke decided she has better odds at getting information from the grounder by playing nicely and besides - she really was starving.

“Fine.”

Clarke reached for the canteen and a quick flash of pain ripped through her body as her wounds reminded her of their presence and she let out a brief wail, her eyes filled with moisture.

A condensed chuckle escaped the throat of her perpetrator as the corners of her mouth twisted into a slight smile.

“What? Something funny?” Clarke snapped back at her in an irritated manner.

“Nothing, just wondering how you are still alive. Though whoever took you before me clearly didn’t want you alive.”

Clarke’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment. If only she knew, Clarke had done this to herself, she felt even more silly now.

“How is that funny?” She inquired.

“The mighty Wanheda, perhaps it is true.”

“Wan - heda? Eh..a dead-Commander? What’s that?”

“You. They call you Wanheda, the Commander of Death. After you slayed the Mountain.”

The Mountain. Again. Great. She managed to forget about it for a few short moments, being distracted by all the pain and kidnapping, but seems she can never escape it, no matter where she goes or what happens to her, the Mountain follows her. The Commander of death...that really hammered a last nail in the coffin of her already poor morale.

“Who’s they?” Clarke asked with hardly any care left in her voice .

“Everyone.” The woman replied.

Clarke started to feel a bit sick, she put down the piece of meat she was trying to devour as her appetite suddenly left her, along with her will to play this silly game with her captor. Whatever confidence and willpower she had mustered moments ago in an attempt to extract information of her whereabouts were now gone, it slouched away with the drop of her shoulders and disappeared into the earth below her.

She didn’t need to be reminded of the horrors of Mt. Weather, yet alone be given a glorified nickname that reminded her of everything she desperately was trying to forget. Her expression turned sorrowful, her thoughts started to drift back to the moments that haunted her. The door, the lever, the burning bodies… her eyes started to fill with water and her face started to wrinkle up in places of her face that signaled sadness….Jasper holding Maya, the smell, the cries….Clarke frowned and closed her eyes in an attempt to stop seeing the images in front of her... but there was no escape….it all haunts her….the eyes, the cold of the night, Lexa looking at her, their encounter in the forest, the anger, the pain, the emptiness... it devoured her... Everything started to rush back in at the speed of light, her breath quickened and Calrke fell into a full blown panic attack. Her heart was racing, her chest tightening to a point where she was nearly suffocating and her hands shuffling around trying to find some support as her vision started to blur.

“Clarke.. rke...ke... Brea....th..ee..”

She heard from the distance as the body of a woman approached her in slow motion, her features barely recognisable, lit by a dim glow of light from behind her. She started shaking her, but Clarke was already drifting away.

“Clarke-e..” She heard from the distance one more time before she slipped into unconsciousness.

\----------

“Clarke”

She heard Lexa’s voice behind her. She turned around to look at her, but when she turned around the person standing there was her mother. She was standing on the Ark, in front of the airlock, where her father was about to get floated. “No, no, no…. Dad!” Clarked screamed. “It’s ok. It’s ok.” Her mother kept repeating with a sobbing voice as she hugged her. Anger took her over as she pulled away and looked at her mother’s face. “It’s not ok, it’s your fault! You got my father floated, you betrayed him!” “No. no..” her mother kept shaking her head, tears in her eyes, pleading. “Clarke, please try to understand..” Her mother now trembling and sobbing in a muted fashion, crying. “Clarke, please..” She’s staring into her mother's eyes with peeking resentment and feeling that she will never forgive her, never understand, as her eyes turned green and a familiar voice called out her name again.

“Clarke”

She woke up with a sharp inhale, gasping, trying to catch some air, she catapulted herself into a sitting position, supporting herself with her arms behind her and soon after the pain caught up as well and bolted through her body causing her to almost lose balance as one of her arms was the injured one and wasn’t quite ready to carry any weight.

“She’s alive. Good. Maybe consider finishing the food I prepared before you pass out again? You are still weak, you know.”

“How long was I out?” Still trying to regain her composure and orient herself, she felt exhausted. All this pinballing between various states of mind have been draining her more than anything else. If she could at least feel one way most of the time, she kept wondering if she will ever feel normal again, thinking she is falling apart more instead of getting better. She wasn’t sure anymore, but somehow decided to stop trying to figure it out, she simply didn’t have the strength for it anymore. Mentally or physically. At least not now.

“Two hours or so.”

Clarke was starting to lose the sense of time completely. She had trouble determining how long it has been since she left Lexa in the woods, given she fell asleep/unconscious several times since then, having her head covered for most of that time and now being inside a cave that didn’t quite let the outside light in. She felt like it could have been anywhere from 2 to 3 days, but wasn’t really sure. It couldn’t have been that long she thought, but without any solid indicators of day and night and her constant back and forth between the woke state and unconsciousness, it was really hard to tell. They traveled on a boat, likely upstream, which means they were possibly very far from the place she was taken, only thing she suspected was - they were somewhere north, as the air was notably colder than in the woods surrounding Mt. Weather and Camp Jaha and that the cave wasn't too far from the boat as it seemed unlikely this woman would be able to carry her by herself too far.

“Are you going to tell me what you want with me?”

“My Queen would like to speak with you.”

“Well, she could have asked nicely you know.” Clarke motioned towards her with her bound wrists.

“This is her asking nicely.” The woman shrugged off.

“Charmer.” Clarke sneered.

“What does your queen want with me?”

No response.

“Hey, I asked you a question!”

Still nothing. Clarke let out a resigned sigh.

“Will you at least tell me your name?”

Nothing.

Great. We’re back to this.

Clarke tried to observe the grounder woman whose captive she had become. She bore no face scars, but her clothing of greyish furs, the cold expression, the fact they were likely going north and mention of her queen seems to point to one thing - Ice Nation clan. She didn’t know much about them besides that they were ruthless and their queen was the one who tortured and killed Costia. Clarke swallowed dryly at the thought of that. Clarke wasn’t really close to Lexa, at least not to the public knowledge, or really any knowledge, it wasn’t relevant - they weren’t close. Clarke shook the invasive memory of a kiss they had shared in the tent. But still, the idea of being brought for a ‘chat’ to a person who enjoyed torturing people’s loved ones for information sent chills down her spine. _What did she want with her?_

She snapped back to the reality of the cave and continued observing the grounder. Obviously, she was a warrior, though the lack of scars eluded her. Was she not from the Ice Nation? Why would she be bringing her to ‘her queen’ then? She must be from the Ice Nation, Clarke didn’t know enough about their culture to know the details and meaning of their scars and symbols, only knew they were typical for their clan. As fierce as she looked, something about her physique felt a bit off. She didn’t know the woman, but it seemed as if she was a bit undernourished for her own standards. Black circles around her eyes and a pale complexion. Her eyes wandered to the red dot on her neck. A puncture it seems, too perfect for a grounder weapon and too small to be an arrow or anything similar. A tube? A needle… Mt. Weather.. She was one of the captives in the cages. Clarke helped free her, or more precisely Lexa did, but in the end all thanks to Clarke and her people… ironic. She was now being held captive by a person she helped set free.

“You were taken by the Mountain.”

The woman stiffened and straightened out her spine as she was caught off guard by this statement. Silent, motionless, looking straight ahead of her into the ground beyond the campfire as if caught in a memory of something distant for a brief moment. Then she snapped out of it and relaxed a little, trying to hide her reaction, pretending it didn't affect her.

“I knew it.” Clarke felt a pinch of triumph rising in her chest.

“I helped save you, you know.” Clarke stated confidently.

“You could return the favor and let me go.”

“That won’t happen.” The cold voice replied.

“So, no honor then I suppose?” Clarke tried to provoke her, not sure why she chose this formulation, the bitterness took over her again.

“Shof op! You belong to our Queen, it is not my place to decide your fate.” Grounder replied with a hint of irritation in her voice.

“So you just follow orders? Don’t you have a mind of your own?” Clarke continued, perhaps there are some buttons she could push in order to find out more or even get some leverage over her, whatever Clarke said has already triggered the woman somewhat, she had to try harder.

“True soldier is loyal to his leader.” The woman replied with a subtle contempt directed at Clark.

“I thought your warriors have scars on their faces, are you not even good enough to get them? Perhaps it’s only for the real warriors. Are you hoping to suck up to your queen by delivering me to her?” Clark wasn’t quite sure what she was trying to accomplish, but she felt like there was something there behind the loyalty and the scars, so she was basically just poking blindly, hoping she would hit something.

Interestingly enough, an angry sneer appeared on the woman’s face, one she could not hide too well. She was visibly irritated and now looked even less friendly than before, something Clarke thought hardly possible. Whichever part it was, something Clarke said angered her captor. An invisible smile started to form in Clarke’s mind, but she stopped it from appearing on her lips at the last moment. She didn’t want to reveal her cards, besides, it was too soon to celebrate. She still wasn’t sure what it was exactly that triggered the woman on the other side of the cave.

“Shof op, or I’ll gag you again.”

Clarke hasn’t said anything. She had to think this over before she made her next move. She took a sip from the canteen and popped a few berries in her mouth, still observing the grounder across her.

She was feeling a little better, the food had replenished some of her strength, though she was still in no condition to fight or run. So far she has only managed to irritate her captor, but didn’t get much useful information out of her besides the fact that she is from or is at least working for the Ice Nation and was planning to bring her to the Ice Queen, had been caged by the Mountain Men and seems to get irritated at the mentions of loyalty and worth. It seemed like something, but really it felt like nothing, for now she had no means of escape. She looked around the cave more closely for the first time. It was fairly large, perhaps 25 feet wide with three corners disappearing into the dark, which of them was an entrance though she couldn’t tell, but suspected it could be the one her captor was the closest to and Clarke was farthest from.

As she was scanning her surroundings, her gaze met the one of the grounder woman that held her here and she could immediately tell, she’s been watching her every move like a hawk and as their eyes met, she could tell right away what she was trying to convey to Clark. _You’re not getting out of here._

Clarke felt frustrated and resigned. All this thinking was getting her tired. She had no idea how much time had passed overall or during their conversations, but was starting to feel sleepy. She ate the rest of the meat and berries resting on the bark next to her, if she was to have a chance of escape, she needed to regain some strength. Clarke cursed herself as she laid down with a groan, feeling the extent of her injuries again, what was she thinking, cutting into herself like that? It felt so right at that moment, but the aftermath of her temporary loss of sanity left her more broken in body and spirit than she had already been in. All that led her back to thoughts of the encounter with Lexa. She wasn’t sure how she was feeling about her anymore. A part of her still hated Lexa, though somehow less for the betrayal alone and more for the fact that Clarke now had no target for her anger other than herself, which left her hating herself even more than before. She also felt angry at herself for feeling something for the Commander that she just couldn’t shake, something that felt like it had no place inside her being. Lexa didn’t care about her. She couldn’t possibly... The kiss, it must have been a part of her plan. _Or was it? Why did she show up in the middle of the forest to take care of her wounds? Guilt..maybe?_ Or perhaps it was a part of a yet another plot. She was almost sure the Commander didn’t feel anything for her….almost...

Clarke felt tormented and split by these thoughts and feelings. Tangled up in a fight with herself and her inner demons. An image flashed into her mind of Lexa’s eyes tearing up at the sight of Clarke mutilating her flesh with nails and the knife. _It hurt her_. She knew it had hurt Lexa, she had never seen the Commander show that much emotion before, not even in the tent that time, but somehow Clarke still couldn’t quite believe it. It didn't seem to add up. Everything felt so contradictory, but she couldn’t stop the flood of warm feelings that began to flow in.

She felt a sudden rush of tenderness spilling through her veins, reaching her heart, but was quickly shut down by the sudden onset of pain in her chest, caused by the overflowing feelings of anger, sadness, betrayal, shame and fear that split her in half. She couldn’t allow herself to feel anything warm for Lexa, as it was inevitably and inseparably  intertwined with all the painful things she was feeling, so all she could do was to simply close her heart and push away all the emotions. She didn’t want to feel the agony and the torment, nor did she want to have another panic attack. But deep down she knew Lexa felt something for her and she felt it for her too, as much as she wanted to deny it... If only she didn’t send her away. No one knew where she was or that she was in trouble and Clarke wasn’t too hopeful she would be able to escape on her own, but she had no choice but to try anyway. No one was coming to save her, she must plot the escape on her own. But for now, she’ll rest, she will have more strength after a night’s sleep. Tomorrow, she’ll come up with something. For sure. And with that though Clarke drifted into a restless sleep.


	4. Loyalty

Lexa woke up from her uneasy nap, the night was still as dark as it gets, she’s only been asleep an hour or two perhaps. There was no time to lose, Clarke was probably already far away, she had to hurry.

She packed up her few things, strapped her swords on her back, put out the fire and swept the place as to get rid of the evidence of her presence and set out into the night.  
It has been more than twenty hours since she set out on Clarke’s trail. The truth was, there was no more trail since she arrived at the river bank, but the captor had a boat and there was no boat in sight yet, she had to keep going. Lexa was determined not to stop, until she found Clarke. It has been a long journey already, but it takes as long as it takes.

Lexa was a skilled tracker and travelled light, her training and the Flame gave her slight advantage as she was able to utilize her mind and her body to a higher extent than others. Her senses were heightened, she was attuned to her surroundings and focused on the task at hand. Lexa traveled fast, only taking short breaks every few hours and stopping to sleep just briefly.

The mundane journey through the monotonous landscape made it seem like she made no progress, but the darkness of night slowly getting lifted by the light of dawn confirmed that the time had indeed passed and she was in a slightly different place than the day before. The scenery was almost the same, but somewhat emptier, paler and the air was sharper, cooler.

This was clearly the _Azgeda_ territory, she has to be extra careful not to run into anyone. Even though she wasn’t wearing her full Commander armor and warpaint, most people would be able to tell who she was during a close encounter. And a Commander randomly roaming lands of the Ice Queen would bring about lots of questions and possibly problems. As much as she disliked being here, it couldn’t be helped. She didn’t let her thoughts wander into the past and willed them towards the present. Lexa knew she was needed in Polis, the messages from all around signaled that Nia was going to make some sort of move soon, already putting things into action.

After the Mountain, Lexa’s position of power was weakened and now the hunt for _Wanheda_ was making things even worse. Not only would it be a disaster if Nia got her hands on Clarke, but it would have been the second time Lexa had failed her. And the second time Lexa has failed...the thought trailed off into silence. She clenched her fists as she sped on along the river, hardening her resolve again. She won’t fail again.

The light was getting whiter as the day was settling in and Lexa stopped for a moment. The all familiar sensation from within told her to stop and delve deeper into her mindspace. It usually happened, when some of the previous Commanders were trying to show her something.

She looked around for a suitable spot to delve into a meditation and quickly noticed a small concentration of white-grey rocks, typical for this area. In a way it was beautiful. A sort of steppe-like landscape with rocky white ground, covered in stone and dry soil, with dark green and brownish bushes sticking out of the flat ground with lots of space between them. Here and there there were short trees and further away from the river a sort of thin forest was spanning far on both sides of the river. Ocean far west and lakes and mountains of _Azgeda_ to the north.

Lexa sat down near the rocks, her back facing the mass of boulders and facing the river she closed her eyes and with steady breaths delved deeper into the depths of her consciousness.

Everything became steady. Lexa’s eyes were closed, but as she focused on her breathing and tuned to her surroundings, it was as if she was seeing everything and all the more clearly through her remaining senses. The wind blowing around her, touching her skin, blowing around her ears, allowed her to feel the surrounding area and feel the vastness of the space around her. The rustling of the nearby river almost allowed her to feel the length of the river, everything around her suddenly became more alive and more visible despite her eyes being closed. The Flame allowed her to see everything, hear everything, feel..as if she was a part of it all. As her mind’s eye scanned the area vast around her a sudden image of a hidden cave on the right bank surrounded by clusters of rocks trailing off from the edge of a low mountain belt in the north-east part flashed into her mind. She could see it clearly as if it was right before her, the image zoomed out further away, placing the cave in the appropriate distance from the river and zoomed back even further back towards her in a fast motion.

Her eyes opened with an inhale.

“Klarke.”

Mochof Maffei. Lexa thought to herself. A past commander from the Rock Line clan, familiar with _Azgeda_ territory showed her the best hiding spot near and far, he spent a long time here scouting the area while waging war with Ice Nation, long before Lexa became Heda.

Lexa knew there were still some 15 or maybe 20 miles between where she was and the cave and she knew she had to cross the river, but luckily there were spots along the shore that had high rocks and trees arching over the river on boths sides, so she would be able to climb over if she finds the right spot as the river wasn't too wide. She now knew where and how far she was going, that gave her an energy boost. She can get there an hour or two before noon if she makes haste. She ate a few more berries and refreshed herself with some water before setting out.

She’s almost there.

_Please be alright Clarke. I’m almost there._

\--------------

Clarke’s dreams were a mixture of too many things to even make sense of. Fire, a horse burning, running towards her, screams of TonDC, the sniper holding Lincoln she shot, her father floating, Finn bleeding onto her hands, Gustus strapped to the pole, people burning, herself floating in space, then drowning, Lexa standing in front of Mt. Weather looking back at her, Lexa looking at her in her tent when she backed her into the table, Lexa looking back at her with tears in her eyes as she plunged the knife into her thigh, Clark plunging the knife into Lexa’s heart, then feeling the blade in her own chest, bleeding out from the wound all over her shirt and Lexa looking back at her in shock, ”Clarke..” she reaches out to her with worry and tenderness in her eyes and Clarke reaches back as all of the sudden she starts falling backwards into the endless darkness, trying to reach back... Lexa… Lexa….

“Lexa!” She woke up with a wail and gasp escaping her chest. Her heart racing.

The cave was dark as usual, the flame of the campfire pulsing steadily, throwing shadows at the walls of the cave, everything seemed peaceful. When her gaze settled on the two figures near the campfire. Both now looking at her.

Clark wasn’t sure what was going on, she was sure she had just woken from a dream, but now she wasn’t quite sure, she had to blink, but the scene remained as it was.

There she was, her captor, half standing in an awkward position, with the knife under her throat and the figure behind her...Lexa was standing there, looking at her, her lips slightly parted in surprise.

“Klarke” Lexa spoke softly, breaking her concentration for a split second. But long enough for the female warrior to take an advantage of it, before Lexa or Clarke could react, she lunged herself towards Clarke over the small campfire and slipped behind her now holding a knife to Clarke’s throat.

The wind blew in slightly, shaking up the fire of the flame, making it flicker a little more and burned a little brighter. None of the women in the cave moved an inch. Clarke was sure she forgot to breathe for a moment as she tried to make sense of everything that just happened.

Lexa was here. She was holding a knife to her captor’s throat, but now Clake’s throat had a knife pressed to it and her captor holding it, standing behind her.

“Don’t take another step….Commander.”

“Or what? Are you threatening your Commander?”

“You are not my Commander, I serve only my queen, she is the rightful ruler of the clans.”

“Oh really? I don’t see her being chosen for such a role.”

“Not yet, but she will be. Soon.”

“You seem to know something I do not.. Echo _._ ”

The woman stiffened up slightly at the sound of the name, but relaxed soon after with a smirk on her face.

“Let _Wanheda_ go, your queen wants her alive anyway, does she not? Your actions here solve nothing.”

Clarke was trying to keep up with their conversation. The Queen was planning something? She wants her alive..why? Lexa knows this...is that why she is after her? Her heart now in turmoil, sinking down a bit, a part of her had hoped Lexa had come for her. Clarke not _Wanheda_ , is this another move? Confusion and anger rising in her as she felt again the familiar feeling of being played. Of her feelings being played with. What the hell is going on, why does she keep getting caught in the middle of somebody else's power play.

“She prefers her alive, but denying you the kill is a satisfactory outcome as well. I’ll bring Haiplana her body and she’ll claim the kill as hers or use it to turn Sky people against you.’

_What? Are they seriously arguing about who gets to kill her? Lexa wants to kill her?_ Clarke thought to herself confused.

An emotion resembling fear flickered briefly in Commanders eyes, Clarke wasn’t quite sure if she was seeing things or it was really there, but Echo quickly interrupted her pondering.

“Wait a second. How is it that the oh, mighty Commander herself came all the way here to get _Wanheda_ , alone?”

Lexa said nothing.

Echo observed her a little while longer, tilting her head to the side, raising an eyebrow.

She pressed the knife tighter into Clarke’s throat, just a little tighter, but enough to penetrate blond’s delicate skin, enough to let a few drops of blood spill over the curved blade.

Lexa’s body reacted instinctively moving forward just a millimeter, before she managed to stop herself. Although almost immediately, it was too little, too late. Her body betrayed her. She clenched her jaw and silently continued looking at Echo.

“Hhaha” A chuckle escaped Echo’s throat. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Is it perhaps that the Commander is interested in _Wanheda_ on a personal level, hm?” Twinkling the knife a little more, carefully, but enough to make Clarke bleed a little more, making her frown and let out a hissing sound as she tried to avoid her jugular getting cut.

Was she? Calarke thought to herself. She couldn’t think too clearly at that moment, everything happened so fast and it was too much of a shock. She still wasn’t a hundred percent sure she wasn’t dreaming.

Lexa stood there, motionless, supernatural calm coming over her. She had to focus, not letting her feelings for Clarke endanger her life. Steady breath now.

“Tell me, Echo. What will you accomplish if you bring _Wanheda_ to your Queen?” She asked calmly.

“I will ensure the greatness of _Azgeda_ and the power of our Queen, the clans will follow her and you’ll be removed from power.”

“Is that so? You really think things would go that smoothly? Nia only wants power for herself, she doesn’t care about her people. Your people. _Azgeda_ will go to war with the rest of the clans, many will die. For the greed of only one.”

“Shut up! You know nothing about our Queen! She cares about _Azgeda_ more than anything! She wants what is best for our people. You are the power hungry one, banishing Roan, trying to diminish the power of our clan.”

“Is that what you were told? Nia used Roan for her own gain, she sent him to assassinate me, but he failed. My advisors kept telling me to execute him for treason, but I knew better. Nia gambled with her son's life, whatever the outcome, it would have been a win for her. Had he killed me, she would have ensured more power for herself by looking more powerful. Had he failed, she would have gotten rid of the only threat to her place on the throne and at the same time used it to her advantage, so she could accuse me for plotting against _Azgeda_. Playing a victim and trying to get other clans on her side. So, I banished Roan instead. To save his life and to ensure Nia’s plot to spread war and chaos didn’t succeed. Only thing she cares about is herself. Not her son. Not you. Not her people.”

“Liar!”

Echo now visibly uncomfortable. Her composure slightly crumbled as the seed of doubt was sawn into her.

“Am I now? How many times have you seen Nia do something dishonorable? How many times has she made _you_ do something dishonorable?”

Echo now tightening the grip on Clarke and stepping back a little, just as Lexa made a step forward.

“Back away!” She yelled through her teeth. Now starting to feel a little like an animal back into a corner as she started to crumble under Commander’s intense gaze. The all knowing, almost inhuman stare.

“Tell me.”

“Tell me….. Ash..” Commander said frighteningly calmly and strongly as she pierced into the other woman’s soul with her green eyes.

Echo’s body started to tremble a little, the grip on the knife slightly loosening, now shaking a bit along with the rest of her body.

Echo’s jaw dropped slightly as she tried to speak, but no words came out.

She tried again, her throat dry.

“How…You...” Her voice trembled.

“How does it feel being forced to live with the name of the person you killed? Your best friend’s name.”  
“Ho-w…” Echo’s body now visibly shaking, Clarke was starting to get worried about the veins on her neck getting cut by an accident, but all she could do was to stand as still as possible and hope it wouldn’t happen. Now completely confused as well as terrified.

“Nobody knows this…..how…..?” She finally managed to put together.

There was a moment of silence, before Lexa answered.

“I know. Because Costia knew... She was there, in the woods, hiding nearby like she often did when she followed her sister around. She saw and she told me. How her sister’s best friend killed her sister and took her name. For Nia.”

Clarke was shocked by this revelation, but nowhere near as much as Echo. Clarke couldn’t see her expression as her face was behind her, but she could feel the life leaving Echo’s body and the knife moving slightly away from Clarke’s throat as her hand dropped down a little.

“Costia, who you years later took to Nia to have her tortured and killed.”

“How many more things like that has Nia made you do? Killing your best friend and her sister, torturing innocent people, sowing distrust among other clans, destroying a chance for peace and prosperity for them. For what? So that your Queen can have her way and gain more power at the cost of her own people’s lives. Going to war with the rest of the clans would only result in the deaths of hundreds, perhaps thousands of your people, using her own son as a pawn in her quest for power only to secure her own place on the throne. Always wanting more, no matter the cost to your people. How is that what’s best for your people?”

“Was it her that came to free you from the Mountain?”

Silence.

“Never getting her own hands dirty, hiding behind lies and plots. Is that the leader you want to serve?”

“I… I…” Echo was now losing what was left of her composure, shaking even more, her body growing weak, the knife dropping from her hand and herself dropping to her knees. All the memories and guilt started rushing in like a waterfall.

Clarke used the moment to tumble away towards the rock column away from the two women towards the place she was tied to, but neither of the two paid much attention to her at that moment.

The air was so thick it would stop a flying knife mid air, Clarke dared not to make a sound or say a word, only watching the scene now before her. Her mind racing, barely catching up with all she has learned in the past minutes.

Lexa now made a few slow steps towards Echo, who collapsed on her knees on the floor in front of her. Shaking, speechless, tears welling up in her eyes. Her head rose slowly as the tip of Lexa’s sword slowly lifted her chin up.

Echo looked up into the piercing green eyes of the Commander. Helpless surrendering her existence to the figure standing tall before her.

She swallowed, the tip of the swords briefly singing the bottom of her jaw as it moved.

“I….If...if you knew….why didn’t you just kill me right away? You… you could have...who wouldn’t have…” Tears now falling from her eyes, her soul crashed and her body slouched as if all life has left it.

“Because I know to separate my feelings from duty. You have been used by your Queen to do her malicious bidding, but you did it, because you believed it was what was the best for your people. And perhaps fear as well... But your loyalty lies with your clan, not with your Queen. You just haven’t realized it yet.”

Lexa made a short pause before she continued.

“You want what is best for your people and so do I. Because your people are my people too.”

“I don’t want my people to die needlessly, not for me, not for anyone else. Same reason why I left the battle of the Mountain, not because I am weak, but because I don’t want my people to die. If I can at all prevent it, even if it costs my life or reputation, I will. I care deeply about all my people. Including you. Ash.”

Clarke felt a pang in her stomach at the reminder of that event, but in the wake of all she just heard and witnessed it somehow bore a different weight. She looked at the woman slouched before the Commander.

Echo/Ash now coming undone under the weight of all she had heard, all she was forced to remember. The Commander broke through the layers of her crafted identity and walls she has been building for years in mare minutes. The sheer force of the Commander’s persona, the depth of her wisdom, the vastness of her selflessness and power of her mercy, has brought Echo/Ash to her knees while freeing her soul with silent forgiveness from burdens she has long forgotten she still carried.

Here she was...the girl, forced to kill her best friend, serve her clan in her stead, doing all she was asked, being a perfect soldier, for her clan….loyal…..when in fact it was all for their cruel, selfish Queen. The Queen she idolized in order to justify her actions to herself, but deep down she knew….she always knew….

“ _Beja, wigod ai op…Heda.._ ” She murmured with a shaky voice.

Ash narrowed her eyes with a strong frown and pushed out the tears. She clenched her fists as if she was planning to attack, but instead made a step forward with her right leg, her other leg still on her knee now bowed her head.

“ _Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun. Ai badan yu op en nou moun, ai Heda._ What would you have me do?”

“Help end Nia’s sly plots and give _Azgeda_ a just and honorable ruler. Help me get prince Roan on the throne.”

“ _Sha, Heda_. But how?”

“One thing at a time. I need you to return to Azgeda as if nothing happened, tell Nia nothing about _Wanheda_ besides the fact that you lost the trail, only found blood and the trail disappearing in Trikru lands. I need you to keep doing what you have been doing so far. Be my eyes and ears, inform me of the movements of the soldiers, Nia’s plots against the alliance. Report to me, when you have something to report. If I have a need for you, I will send for you.”

“ _Sha, ai Heda._ ” She nodded slightly.

Ash stayed there for a moment. Not moving, not saying anything, then rose up, looked the Commander in the eyes with a new found resolve, giving the Commander one firm nod and then walked past her to the place where her things were lying.

“Is there anything else, _Heda_?”

“No, Ash, there isn’t, thank you.” Lexa said with her back still facing the cave entrance.

Ash nodded, wrapped her things in a bag, she only left some furrs, a clean cloth for redressing wounds and Clarke’s gun, put her bow over the shoulder and left.


	5. Heart to Heart

There was a moment of silence. Clarke was still processing the situation and Lexa was adjusting to her less formal self she sometimes showed in front Clarke, more Lexa, less Heda. She looked at Clarke and made her way towards her. Her knife out, she started cutting Clarke free.

“Are you hurt, Klark?”

“Lexa….” Clarke was lost for words, but the questions she had were so pressing they burned through her all the way to the surface. “What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

“I came here to save you. I have been tracking you for two days.”

Clarke was now rubbing her wrists and ankles in places where the rope had been wrapped around them for the past two days. It was so much better this way, but her body still hurt. At least she wasn’t as weak as yesterday, but not that much stronger either.

“Eh… thanks…” Clarke ushered quietly. She was still in shock, her gaze fixed on a spot somewhere in front of her, not quite able to look at Lexa for too long.

“Klark?”

She had to look up now. Commander’s gentle voice called her name so softly it felt as if she was being laid in bed of feathers. She looked up into the glowing green orbs that were looking at her as if nothing else existed and for that moment she forgot that anything else did.

“Are you hurt?” Lexa asked.

Clarke snapped out of the brief trance she found herself in, although only partially. Still affected by Commander’s gaze. She looked away slightly and replied awkwardly. “Oh, yeah...no...I mean... not thanks to her...”

The speck of guilt edged into her mind and she looked away with shame, staring at the ground as if the answers to her problems were written on it. Clarke delved deeper into thought. Memories of two nights ago invaded her mind again. She had to close her eyes as moisture began to well up around them.

“I’m glad you’re not hurt further. We’ll stay here for a few days, before you get better. We should be safe here for a while.”

Clarke said nothing. Still staring at the floor of the cave, registering what Lexa said, but unable to respond.

It was all too much, she wasn’t able to process everything. She had trouble doing so before all this had happened but now? Now, she wasn’t sure if it helped or made things worse. She needed time to process. There were too many things she needed to figure out and how she felt about them. She concluded she’ll take it on one topic at a time. Deciding which to tackle first, she swam through the currents of her mind.

Clarke was thinking so loud, Lexa could practically hear it. She made her way towards the fire on the Clarke’s side and set up a makeshift bed from the furrs Ash left behind. There was still enough meat leftover from what Ash had cooked, so Lexa prepared it and put it next to the newly made sleeping place.

“You should rest Clarke. And eat some more. You are still weak.” Lexa pointed towards the bed of furrs, clearly intended for Clarke.

Clarke turned around at her new bed, then at Lexa, then looked around the fire, where she found no other furrs, then back at Lexa and the furrs on the ground.

Why was she here…not this feeling again...the hardened crust on her heart cracked a little. No. She can’t...no...not this….her eyes starting to water again.

Lexa stood there, looking at Clarke as if she was waiting for some sort of response.

“Why did you come for me?” Clarke’s voice trembled.

“I told you, I came to save you.”

“Yeah, but why? You didn’t want Nia to get her hands on _Wanheda_?” She asked with a forced smirk and a hint of bitterness in her voice that she didn’t truly feel. She just needed to hang onto something, anything that could let her hate Lexa. Anything, no matter how superficial and petty. Anything, that could justify her animosity towards her. Whatever reason she could find, since all of them were now slipping away and she had nothing left to hold onto. She was desperately grasping for something within her inner world, but she was sliding down as if she was trying to cling to a wall of ice.

“No, Klarke.... I didn’t want Nia to get her hands on _you_.”

The words hit Clarke like a hammer. A pang in her chest. A flashback of another set of familiar words echoed in her ears _“Not everyone, not you”_. Now it all hurt in an entirely different way. As if unconsciously Clarke knew what it meant. Why it felt the way it did. The feeling in the background, that has perhaps been there from the beginning, somehow started to surface....ever since they met for the first time in Lexa’s tent. It all began to make more sense as Clarke started to fight it less and less, but at the same time, there was still this ever present sting of hurt she felt, every time she remembered the betrayal at the Mountain, although now it seemed to have a different shape. ... _because I don’t want my people to die_. _If I can at all prevent it, even at the cost of my own life or reputation, I will.._ Somehow Clarke now understood...she didn’t like it that she did. A part of her didn’t want to understand. A part of her never wanted to quite accept the fact, Lexa did not belong to Clarke, or to herself as a matter of fact...she belonged to her people, her life belonged to her people and no matter what she may have wanted for herself, it wasn’t quite up to her whether she might have it or not...subconsciously….she wanted Lexa to be _hers_...

Clarke was shocked by this inner revelation - a betrayal. _How could her own feelings conspire against her?_ She couldn’t possibly still feel... _this_...something. Her heart was on fire as the battle her thoughts and feelings have been waging this whole time was now in full force.

They were staring at each other for a while, not saying anything. Clarke, still sitting on the floor, Lexa standing next to the furrs beside her feet. Both looking into each other's eyes, again communicating without words. Clarke’s realizations seeping into Lexa’s mind and Clarke saw that Lexa knew what was going on inside of hers. Lexa always knows. _She always knew._

Clarke’s mind wandered again to the night in the forest and she looked away as the image of Lexa’s watery eyes looking back at her in the dark surfaced in her consciousness, Clarke’s own started to tear up notably and she had to frown forcefully to close her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from falling. Clarke started shaking. All her feelings started to separate and scattered pieces began to fall into place. She knew now, she had been mostly angry at herself and the burden of the Commander that forced her into doing what she did, and the fact that she was helpless in changing that, and so was Lexa... That she was forced to leave her there, against her wishes, forced to hurt Clarke….and herself. And Clarke has hurt them both even further with what she did in the forest...she was now shaking uncontrollably, tears overflowing from her eyes as if they were water pouring out from a broken dam and sobs escaped her chest like prisoners after an explosion of the cell wall that kept them locked up.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Lexa..” Clarke cried.

Lexa was by her side in an instant holding her, one arm around her and the other holding Clarke’s wet cheek. “It’s OK, Clarke.” She spoke gently.

Hearing the soft words from Lexa’s lips made her weep harder and the gates holding her emotions back were breaking open. Clarke was now sobbing intensely in Lexa’s arms.  
“I killed them. I killed them all. The children...people that helped us. I hate myself. I hate the Commander. I hate that the Commander didn’t allow Lexa to be there with me. I needed you, but you left.. you left me..“ Clarke cried even harder.

Lexa’s eyes now filled with a single tear that dropped on Clarke’s hand. She remained silent for a while, but assembled and spoke out the words that have long lingered on her consciousness and her heart. “I am sorry Clarke... I really am. I would have stayed, if I could.”

Clarke now looked up at Lexa as her eyes were now revealing emotion instead of leaving it hidden behind the Commander’s typical ironclad mask that never let them come through a mask that was ever present now wasn’t there. It was then, that something clicked into place. She knew Lexa meant every word, she believed her...she understood something now. And a rush of new and perhaps old, just held back emotion, flooded her. Her defenses broke down, she was helpless to fight it, all she could do was to give in to the current of long suppressed feelings for Lexa.

“Please don’t leave me again.” Clarke pleaded through her sobs. She felt pathetic, too vulnerable, but she couldn’t help it. Not now, not in this moment and she had no strength to even care.

“I won’t. I promise.” Lexa replied tenderly, with an echo of an unbreakable resolve and with a heavy promise in her eyes.

Clarke pulled herself up in one swift motion and wrapped herself around Lexa almost crushing her ribcage under the force of her embrace, it took all the energy she had, but her emotions were fueling her strength. She held onto Lexa as if she was never gonna let her leave and Lexa hugged her back as if she didn’t intend on ever trying.

They were hugging for what seemed like forever and at one point Clarke fell asleep in Lexa’s arms, exhausted from everything and still weak from the blood loss. She looked peaceful as she laid there in her arms, Lexa thought to herself as she looked down at Clarke’s sleeping face. Her cheeks sparkling with the microscopic crystals of dried tears and although beat up and weakend, she was so beautiful. Lexa tucked a strand of Clarke’s golden hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek as she indulged in the moment.

“ _Yu ste klir, Klark.. Ai ste hir en ai nou na gon we nodotaim nowe._ ” She whispered softly.

Lexa spent a few more moments just looking at Clarke and stroking her hair, then carefully lifted her up and laid her on the bed of furrs and covered her with her travel cloak.

The fire was almost out and they would soon run out of food, Clarke needed to replenish her strength and Lexa was hungry too.

“I’ll be right back Clarke, I’m going to get us something to eat” Lexa said quietly more to herself then to Clarke. Clarke was still sleeping but shuffled a bit in her furrs and mumbled something inaudible that sounded like agreement and Lexa’s name, then she turned a little and continued sleeping.

Corners of Lexa’s mouth rose up a bit in a soft smile, she then turned around to head out of the cave.

Lexa was careful as not to show herself, even though the likelihood of someone being in the area was incredibly small, one can never be too careful. She didn’t like the idea of leaving Clarke alone even for a moment, but it couldn’t be helped. They needed food and more firewood and Clarke was in no condition to move. Ash has left some firewood in the cave, but it wouldn’t last more than a day and Lexa suspected they would have to stay there for at least 2-3 days, before Clarke was well enough to travel, even then it will be risky, but they really didn’t have many options at the moment. The river flowed north, so a boat would be of no use for journey back home, a horse would be good, but still a horse would be quite risky, as it is loud and can be seen from far away, but they that didn’t matter since they had none. Commander was not the one to dwell on could beens and could haves, so it was more of a situation analysis rather than anything else.

What she could do however was to scan the surroundings with her senses, just to make sure there was no one close by. She sat down cross legged with her back against the cave wall at the entrance and closed her eyes. As she inhaled and exhaled, her mind started to enter the familiar state of omnipresence. As if suddenly she was nowhere and everywhere at the same time. She was nothing and everything. Her inner sight stretched out far ahead in all directions, her ears listening in to every sound, her skin feeling the slightest alterations in the wind currents. She was still like the surface of an underground lake, no movement but the steady breath and the blowing wind. Far ahead north there was hardly anything, only some small animals, but quite far away from the cave, a close by a snake, not too poisonous one though, to the east some seagulls flying towards the ocean, fish in the river and south of the cavem not too far a rabbit and another snake, and a hawk, no people.

Fish would be fairly easy to get, but being near the river is the most dangerous when it comes to getting spotted and splashing water makes a lot of noise in such an empty area. The snake and the rabbit it is. She will however need to go there to collect some red algae for Clarke’s wounds, but she can do that on the way back, at least she will be able to collect some more berries too.

Lexa went south of the cave to look for the place with the animals. Not too long after she found the place. There it was a clueless rabbit focusing on the short plants growing from the small patch of the soil in the mostly rocky floor that surrounded that spot. Not too far away however was the snake, creeping up on it’s next prey. What the neither of them noticed though was an even greater predator. Lexa was crouched several feet away with both of her swords unsheeted, behind the snake and watched it approach. Steady slow breathing, she was almost motionless and entirely quiet as if she wasn't even a living being. As soon as the snake approached the striking distance of the rabbit, Lexa got ready. In what took less than a blink of an eye the snake launched itself onto the rabbit, but Lexa was faster. As the snake straightened out to attack and before the rabbit could even react, Lexa’s swords cut through the air in an elegant but deadly arc, dropping onto the necks of both animals simultaneously. She buried the heads of the animals in the ground and covered it with rocks, making it look like nothing ever happened there. Lexa was always careful not to leave a trail behind, if she could at all afford to spare the time. Now was the time to go back, she wasn’t gone for too long, but she was less nervous when Clarke was in her vicinity.

\--------

Clarke was just waking up as Lexa entered the cave. Before the question even left her lips, Lexa lifted the bodies of the two animals in an answer.

“Oh...how long was I asleep?” Clarke asked.

“A few hours only, it is still light outside, but the sun will begin to set soon.” Lexa replied as she crouched down next to the now extinguished fireplace. She shuffled through the fire wood, picking out the small branches in order to restart the fire.

Clarke watched her in silence, still trying to make sense of everything, though her thoughts and feelings were slightly more organized and peaceful than a few nights ago. There was still a lot she needed to figure out, but somehow she preferred not to think about that for now, for a likely fleeting moment she gained the ability to dodge her usual intrusive thoughts as if they were bullets shot in slow motion, and was deeply grateful for that. Her mind always made a mess of everything, her feelings on the other hand were somehow calmer now. She wasn’t quite sure what it all meant, but she knew this. Lexa was here, she came back for her and it made Clarke happy. As much as she hated to admit that - it did. She knew there was a heavy bag of other emotions seasoned with burning questions, hanging over her shoulders, but she didn’t want to deal with them now. And she was glad she was able not to, at least for a time being.

Lexa had finished making the fire and now moved onto preparation of the animals she caught.

“A snake?” Clarke teased a bit uncertainly, with a hint of curiosity in her voice.

“Two are better than one. Besides, snakes have good meat.” Lexa responded, throwing Clarke a brief calm, but serious look, then continued on with what she was doing.

Clarke had to smile. She wasn’t really questioning the choice of caught game, it's good they had something to eat and God knows she was really happy Lexa took care of that, but what made her smile was Commander’s ever present seriousness. Something about it she found utterly endearing, a result of a particular mix of seriousness, strength and pure-heartedness unique to Lexa. Her mind flashed to the moment she witnessed yesterday, when Lexa showed how impersonal she approached everything even herself, the complete dedication she had for her people. The thought of that and the sudden rush of compassion for Lexa made a small crack on the hardened crust of Clarke’s heart, her thoughts immediately jumping back to the moment she was left by the Commander in front of the entrance of Mt.Weather. The sudden throb in her chest as she remembered the moment of the cold night, waking up the ever present pain of betrayal hiding away in the dark corners of her heart and the following pang in her chest made the delicate muscles of her face twist into a corrugated painful expression and she looked away.

“Klarke.” A mixture of a question and an answer. Somehow Lexa knew how to say so much just with the little nuances of how she pronounced Clarke’s name.

Before she knew it, Lexa was there, her hand resting softly on top of Clarke’s right shoulder reaching for Clarke’s wrist with the other hand. Clarke looked up as Lexa cupped her cheek with her hand. Her glassy blue eyes looking at Lexa with unspoken questions. Lexa looking back at her with answers in her own eyes. Clarke stared into the emerald green eyes for a moment, before speaking out.

“I… I.. just…” Clarke started to speak, then closed her mouth and looked away. Took a deep breath and tried again.

“I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. Pieces of me broke away with every decision I made, every decision that I thought was for the good of my people, but every time, people end up dying. Everything that has happened since we landed on the ground and then you…”

“I still can’t quite forgive you, I understand it, but it still hurts.. And I hate myself for what I’ve done. What I had to do. I can’t forget their faces, their cries, the smell….and I keep wondering, if you’d stayed..maybe I wouldn’t have had to do what I did and it kills me. It kills me when I think about it… it all could have been different, but I know it couldn’t have. I feel trapped. I want to hate you, but I can’t and I need to, because it is the only thing holding me together. I know it wasn’t Lexa, it was the Commander, but still...it only helps sometimes and it’s just…. It’s all too much...I can’t…. I don’t…..” Clarke’s voice broke and fell silent along with her head, now passively dangling from her neck.

“Everytime I try to trust you again I remember what you did and all the things I did and then I just can’t…I want to let it all go, because it hurts so much, but just can’t…..I’m afraid… I’m afraid the Commander will hurt me again..that you will betray me again...” Tears yet again swelled up in her eyes as she began to sob quietly.

After a moment of silence, Clarke felt a soft touch of fingers under her chin lifting her gaze up slowly, until her eyes met Lexa’s.

Lexa looked at her with so much compassion and tenderness, that even the finest silk wasn’t as soft and the deepest ocean was as deep as the emotion pouring out from the bright green rings of her eyes.

“I know Klark. I am sorry for hurting you. For all this... it was never my intention, but I promise, I won’t betray you again."

“How can you know that? What about your people? You have an obligation to them.”

“I do, but to me you are my people too Klark.”

Clarke’s chest tightened. I am her people too? The turmoil was roaring inside. The conflicting feelings fighting each other. She tried to hold onto the rationality.

“And what about my people?”

“I am working on that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I want your people to become my people, Klark. I’ve already put things in motion..”

“How...? I mean….my people will never agree to such a thing...” Her voice trailed off into silence as she tried to imagine such a situation.

“I hope you can help with that. But that is a topic for another day.”

“First you must get well, everything else can wait.”

 _I am and always will be Heda first, but I intend to make sure I never need to hurt you again Klarke, as I’m not sure myself, I could bare it either_. Lexa thought to herself.

Clarke said nothing more, accepting the answers she got along with agreeing that it indeed could wait. For now.

“Let me look at your wounds, the dressing needs to be replaced.” Lexa motioned to Clarke and reached out to the pile of algae and cloth that laid near them.

Clarke wanted to protest, but she knew her wounds needed to be examined and redressed. She nodded slightly, but turned her gaze away somewhat.

Lexa began to unwrap the bandage with algae Ash put around Clarke’s thigh, revealing the deep cut in Clarke’s no longer bleeding, but still severely messed up leg. The algae helped with the healing process, but the wound still looked quite horrible, it would be best if they could sew it up, but they had no tools for that - it was sure to leave a prominent scar. Lexa twitched and tensed up slightly at the sight of it. Not because of the wound itself, although it made her uncomfortable seeing Clark wounded. Net because blood would bother her, she has seen plenty in her lifetime, but because she remembered how Clarke got it and felt the guilt and sorrow rush in. She did this to her. Lexa paused for a bit as she tried to shake the memory of the moment and the hurt it made her feel, she swallowed and took a labored inhale. Clarke knew what Lexa was thinking about, she could see it on her face. She felt a rush of guilt flooding her body and tears flooding her eyes. Lexa got pulled from her pensive moment as she noticed Clarke’s unease and looked into her teary blue eyes. She didn't want to make Clarke feel worse than she was already feeling, but couldn’t stop it in time.

Clarke’s face crinkled up all over and her eyebrows shrugged in a sorrowful expression. Her voice trembling, she sobbed out “I’m sorry...I’m sorry Lexa I didn’t want…. I..” her voice trailed off. She couldn’t finish what she was saying as it wasn’t true or at least it wasn’t true in that moment, but now she knew she really didn’t want to hurt Lexa and the guilt and remorse were crushing her. “I felt alone in how I was feeling, I didn’t think…. I wanted you to feel something...for me…I wanted to know you feel… something...” Her words got lost in the silence of the cave.

“I know…. I know…” Lexa replied gently, with her eyes now also glassy. “It’s ok Klarke.” She continued compassionately as she looked into Clarke’s eyes with such care and vulnerability, that Clarke’s heart started breaking open. She looked deep into Lexa’s eyes and felt as though she might just get pulled inside of them and drown within the endless green of affection pouring out from Lexa’s eyes. The pull had to have been stronger than the gravity. Clarke felt everything else disappearing, forgetting every other thought and feeling. She was there and Lexa was looking at her with all the things unsaid, now spoken without words and that was all that mattered in that moment. She leaned towards her, cupped Lexa’s cheek and pulled her closer in, until their foreheads were touching, lips were only an inch apart, their breaths colliding, their heartbeats speeding up. They were both trembling now. A tear spilled over from Lexa’s eyes as she closed them and leaned into Clarke’s approaching lips.

Their lips pressed together softly and hugged in a gentle kiss, leaning against each other like two long lost lovers reuniting again. A soft gasp that either of them might have let out as they inhaled was devoured by their hungry mouths. They connected again in a soft salty kiss, their lips opening further. Clarke teased her tongue slowly against Lexa’s lower lip and Lexa was happy to let it glide over and settle softly on her own tongue, that pushed back lightly as it entered Clarke’s mouth. Beautiful, timid, yet passionate kiss. They kissed like it was the first time and the last time they ever kissed. The time must have stopped, as for all they knew, they kissed for a part of eternity, before they came back to the moment they were in. Their lips parted hesitantly, they still felt each other’s warm breath on their lips. When they moved a bit further apart, they looked at each other, their eyes wet, their hearts beating like war drums. Clarke threw her arms around Lexa’s neck and pulled her into a tight embrace, not unlike the first one. Lexa reciprocated the embrace with her own arms and held onto the blonde like she was the only thing in the world. Clarke was here, in her arms...after everything. She couldn’t believe it would ever happen, that Clarke would even speak to her again, yet alone reciprocated her feelings….like this. And so she was grateful, so deeply grateful it almost hurt. She pressed herself into Clarke a little more and Clarke hugged her back even harder. After a moment of forever they slightly loosened the embrace and slowly separated their entwined bodies. Still close to one another they sat there, looking at each other. So much was being said with only their eyes and bodies that neither of them wanted to speak using their words. But after some time has passed Lexa broke the silence.

“Klarke..eh.. Your wound?” She noted cautiously.

“Oh..yeah.. Yeah, sure….ehm…” She replied to Lexa a bit awkwardly, as origin of the injury still lingered vividly in both of their memories. Clarke was slowly getting to terms with it, but still couldn’t quite erase the moment from her mind. She probably never will and the scar on her leg will forever remind her of it, but perhaps in time, she will be ok. They both will be. She couldn’t quite imagine it, but she had to hope for it.

Lexa gently cleaned Clarke’s wound with some fresh water and redressed the cut with a new algae and bandage. She did the same with Clarke’s arm, always so tenderly as if Clarke was the most precious and delicate thing on Earth. After she had finished, she reminded Clarke that the food was ready. “You should eat, the food is ready.” She shifted her body gracefully towards the campfire, where the hare and snake were cooking on two sticks of a makeshift grill Lexa skillfully created, Clarke didn’t even notice it before due to all the distractions.

Lexa sliced the meat neatly on a big piece of cleaned bark and put it in front of Clarke, along with the berries she collected. As Clarke dug into the food, Lexa swiftly slipped out of the cave and returned moments later with water filled canteens. Clarke looked at her with a question and Lexa replied “This cave is a very good hiding place, there is a stream flowing down the mountain and a strand of it gushes out between the rocks near the entrance.” Clarke nodded in understanding, but already only half-present as she was getting lost in thought and asked another question. “How did you find me? I could have been anywhere.” Clarke realized, now even more surprised that Lexa was there. “I’m skilled at tracking Klark, but one of the Commanders before me showed me this cave. The odds were high, you would be here.”

“The Commander before you showed you?” Clarke asked, eyebrows raising in an extension of her surprise.

“Yes. Sometimes they reach out to me and I can reach out to them in times of need.”

Clarke wasn’t sure what to make of this, she thought the Spirit of Commanders was more of a ..well… spiritual thing, something belief based, but from what Lexa was saying it sounded like it had some tangible basis. She decided it was an interesting topic, but the one for another time.

“Where are we anyways?”

“We are in the _Azgeda_ territory not too far from the border with Trikru lands.”

“ _Azgeda?!_ How far are we from Camp?!” Clarke asked in shock, leaving her mouth slightly parted.

“From Camp Jaha… well, quite far...I’m not sure exactly, but some 70 miles from where you collapsed in the forest.”

Caught off guard by the revelation, Clarke was staring at an imaginary spot in the air, her mouth slightly open in awe and disbelief. She was trying to put the pieces together, she wasn’t quite sure how much time had passed, but still...Lexa must have slept very little if at all to be able to get here so fast…

“How long was I here for...I mean, did you even sleep?” The realization of what Lexa must have gone through for her, hit her.

“I did. A little, but I’m fine Klarke. Ash found you some time before sunrise of the day after I first found you. You were here for a part of that day I assume and the following night. And today.”

“Lexa…” Clarke’s voice grew feeble again. She started wondering about all that the Commander had undertaken in order to find her. Lexa must have things to take care of in Polis, but she made time to go find Clarke in the wilderness. Herself. By herself. And then even went into the enemy territory. Traveled for the whole day and night, with little to no sleep. All for her...she closed her eyes and the muscles around her eyes corrugated in a familiar frown of pain and sadness. She felt shame...she hadn't thought about Lexa, her feelings and her sacrifices, at all. The painful expression on her face said more than words and Lexa knew. She stepped back towards Clarke and crouched next to her. “It’s ok Klark, you need not worry about it.” Lexa comforted her. “I couldn’t let anything happen to you… not after I already let you down once.” She paused as if she wasn’t sure whether to speak more but added “You are too important to me.” The statement left her a little more vulnerable than she was comfortable with, but her inner walls have already been crumbling for some time now and it was too late to stop the process.

Clarke opened her wet eyes and looked at Lexa, analyzing every square millimeter of her breathtaking face, trying to decode the secrets hiding beneath. As she delved in deeper, Clarke wasn’t sure if she was breathing at that moment, she was too preoccupied with her reeling thoughts. She knew the words to be true. They have shared a connection of sorts from the beginning, something she desperately tried to forget after Mt.Weather, but no matter how hard she tried to deny it, it was always there, somewhere, in the background and it was why the betrayal hurt so much. But despite everything, despite leaving her at the Mountain, Lexa truly did care about her. Part of her wanted to fight this realization with all her might as she was still terrified by the idea of trusting Lexa again, but the other part was beginning to give in a little more with every breath she drew. A little more with every new thing she realized. A little more with every little thing she allowed herself to feel.

Clarke’s body felt as if it was going to jump apart, she was terrified as at that moment, she realized the control over her feelings had slipped from her grasp. There was no going back as the current of what she felt had dragged her in and she was now holding onto a sole rock peeking out from the surface of a raging river.

Lexa was looking straight back at her, caringly, lovingly with soft intensity, that made her feel weak. She reached out to wipe a tear from Clarke’s face and as Lexa’s thumb touched her cheek, Clarke felt a tingling sensation spreading from that spot to the rest of her body, as if electricity was travelling all over her skin like a legion of microscopic ants. Everything she did, everything she said, her voice, the way she said her name, it all made Clarke react physically.

  
Lexa’s fingers then skimmed towards a loose strand of hair that was hanging over her field of vision and tucked it slowly behind her ear. Clarke closed her eyes and tilted her head as she leaned into Lexa’s palm. As she reveled in Lexa’s touch, Clarke extended her arm towards Lexa’s chest, grabbed the collar of her armor and pulled her slowly closer to her. Clarke’s now open eyes, full of want, full of desire and openness were staring straight into Lexa’s glowing green ones. Lexa understood what the invitation meant and closed in to kiss Clarke.

Their lips burning at the contact as the heat of the gentle passion seeped through their pores. Clarke responded to the kiss hungrily, taking Lexa in with all she had, slowly, but intensely, savoring every second. Lexa moved closer and over Clarke as she dragged her lower, clasping her armor as she laid herself down. Lexa was now on top of her, kissing Clarke as if this was the only chance she’ll ever get. Clarke tilted her head back with a moan, exposing her neck to Lexa’s eager mouth. Lexa’s lips traced over Clarke’s neck, from the back of her jaw all the way toward her collar bone, sucking on the skin there for a little too long, leaving a small mark of love on the surface. Another of Clarke’s moan’s made Lexa tear herself away from the activity she got immersed in and looked back into the blue of Clarke’s irises. She felt breathless, looking at Clarke, there was nothing she wanted more than this, but Clarke was weak and injured and this place wasn’t safe enough for that ….not to mention she didn’t want to rush things, not with everything that has happened in such a short time.

Clarke could read what was happening behind the veil of green. She knew what Lexa was thinking, she knew it too, but had trouble holding back the urge to let go of the rock she was clinging to and drown in the storming river of everything she was feeling toward Lexa. Lexa dove down and kissed Clarke gently and as she felt Clarke’s hands wrap around the back of her head she pulled herself away from the kiss with restraint, resting her forehead against Clarke’s, their eyes half closed, Lexa bit back on her lip. “Not here.” She exhaled in a way that it conveyed her own disappointment. “Not now. You are still healing and it is not that safe here.” But Clarke knew that there was a little more to it as well...it was too much too fast, she let out a short growl in defeat and acceptance. She knew Lexa was right, but it was nice to forget about the world of past and the problems they were dealing with for a moment. Clarke pulled Lexa closer and allowed her to rest her chin on Clarke’s shoulder, lying on top of her.

Clarke could feel Lexa’s warmth even through her armour, she was still partially supporting her weight as not to put it’s entirety on Clarke, which reminded her again in a small hint of a chest pang, how considerate Lexa was and found herself basking in the tender feeling of safety. She couldn’t remember when was the last time she felt like that. A happy tear fell from her eye as the corners of her mouth rose slightly in a subtle smile. They laid like that for a short moment before Lexa pushed herself up supporting herself with her arms, hovering above Clarke, they both had starry eyes, though Lexas grew a little timid as her care and politeness was again taking over. “You need to sleep Klarke, it was a long day and you need rest.”

Clarke observed her, still with a slight smile on her lips, she said nothing, but nodded in agreement. She was tired beyond imagination and she knew she needed rest desperately, adrenaline was the only thing keeping her awake and not just her, Lexa needed the sleep just as badly. Clarke shuffled in her sleeping furs a little to adjust herself into a sleeping position, she hasn't noticed Lexa has slipped away towards the fire in order to throw in some more wood. She watched her as she tended to the flame with grace typical for Lexa. She then approached Clarke and sat down in a sort of cross legged position next to her, grabbed her travel cloak that was lying next to Clarke’s body and covered her with it. Lexa smiled at her timidly and began to get up with words “Good night Klark”, but a hand wrapped around her wrist as she started to turn around so she looked back in surprise.

“What are you doing?” Clarke said compassionately with an amused smirk. “I..” Lexa stuttered while slightly frozen in a half-motion. She realized she was being silly, but still, she couldn’t get used to the fact that Clarke allowed her to be so close to her and she sure did not take it for granted, nor she wanted to assume she now had _privileges_. The remorse sh felt for hurting Clark was still fresh in her memory. She swallowed dryly and attempted to say something, but closed her mouth just as she opened it. Lexa moved her head in a nearly invisible nod and slipped behind Clarke then covered them both with her travel cloak.

The warmth of Clarke’s body warmed her soul just like the sun heats up the cold ground when it rises in the morning. She closed her eyes as she buried her face in Clarke’s hair and inhaled her. Clarke closed her eyes in enjoyment and with a soft smile on her face she slipped into slumber. Lexa’s mind swarmed with thoughts, her mind restless, her emotions were waging war. She was overjoyed with the fact that Clarke was back in her life, that she had forgiven her...or at least something close to that...overjoyed that she felt so strongly about her, that she was here, in her arms…. But she couldn’t shake her worries. It was dangerous, everything. Being here in the Azgeda territory, how she felt about Clarke. Clarke was in danger, not only because she was the _Wanheda_ , but if anyone found out about their closeness… she didn't even want to list out all the reasons why it would be a problem as there were simply too many, but on top of the list were two...her own ability to make decisions that needed to be made….and Clarke’s safety. Her mind wandered to Costia and the pain she felt at her loss, her heart ached and her face twisted in a painful grimace as she thought of those times and the thought of Clarke meeting the same fate was beyond bearable to even imagine. She slipped into an uneasy sleep as she wrestled with her thoughts.


	6. A Journey East

Lexa heard a scream echoing from the distance. A woman’s voice. Followed by a scene of a torture, a young woman, beat down in torn clothes bleeding from cuts all over her body, blood dripping from the corner of her mouth, her hand impaled on a stump with a knife, the other hand reaching for her, calling her name, but it was now Titus who was saying her name. His fece morphed into Nia’s as he spoke the words. " _Hodnes laik kwelnes, mema em in_." Costia’s head now rolling towards her feet, her lifeless eyes staring at her and the voices of the Commanders in the background, one over the other, admonishing her coldly. _Hodnes laik kwelnes_. Love is weakness.. Weakness! She heard the familiar cold voice she hadn’t heard in a long time, his pale scared face flashing all so closely in front of her, passing through as an ominous ghost, dissolving against her being.

Lexa woke up gasping for air, her heartbeat harebrained like wild horses. She sat up, still rattled by the dream, worry settled in the crinkles of her forehead as she tried to calm herself down. Clarke was still sleeping, exhausted, in deep slumber. Lexa was glad she didn’t wake her. She traced around the lines of her peaceful face. A flicker of joy surfaced at the sight, followed by a painful compression of her chest as the anxious feeling crept in. She needed some air. Lexa got up quietly, as not to wake Clarke and sneaked out of the cave. The light of dawn was awaiting her, she sat herself down, with her back against the wall of rock. She closed her eyes and delved into meditation with an inhale. She sat there for a while, just breathing, sorting through her thoughts, letting them go, calming her mind, trying to free herself from the grasp of the lingering echo of _hodnes laik kwelnes_. She had dedicated herself to this philosophy for years, Costia’s death only solidifying it within her, but now she was split. She never thought she would feel as she does again. The two sides now playing a tug of war with her, she tried to reconcile them. She knew she was still far from resolving this within herself, but at least for now, she reclaimed her calm. At least somewhat. As she meditated she noticed some unusual movements and energy in the surrounding area. She tried to zoom in on the disorder she felt in the air. As she focused, she could see the animals moving south, the small rodents, the snakes, the birds. They were at unease, not downright fleeing, but rather cautiously trying to avoid danger. She tried to focus on the source of the danger, but couldn’t quite sense the nature of the danger, but one thing was sure - something was approaching from the north. Lexa opened her eyes and stood up, she tried to look far away across the steppe and saw something that resembled a dark line on the horizon, a line that spread out quite far on both sides. A dreadful presentiment latched onto her, she knelt down and pressed her ear to the ground. The Flame heightened her senses and allowed her to hear beyond the normal scope of human hearing. As she listened in and tuned into the sound of the earth, she picked up vibrations coming from far away. A rumble, that could only be attributed to a large mass moving closer. Stomping, clatter...steps, galloping... men, horses. An army was approaching.

Lexa picked herself up in a swift motion and ventured back into the cave. Clarke started to wake as she heard Lexa approaching, she looked at her in confusion with a question in her gaze. Lexa looked at her seriously “We have to leave. An army is approaching from the north.”

“When? How far?” Clarke blurted out in surprise, now wide awake.

“Maybe half or a full day before it reaches the cave.” Lexa replied as she headed towards her things.

“Ok..so.. What do we do now?”

“They are moving fast, we cannot outrun them even if we leave now, we need to go east through the mountain and the forest, then south to Polis around the forests.”

“Mountains? You’re kidding right? I’m not exactly in a mountain climbing shape.” Me and mountains must be some magnetism, Clarke thought to herself.

“I know Klarke, but we don’t have any other choice. We cannot risk going west as there is no cover and no place to cross the river. This is the only way, but there is a passage that blends into the adjoining forest. It leads almost all the way to the outskirts of Polis and will provide cover.”

Clarke knew they didn’t have a choice, her slightly irritated reaction was a result of being snapped back into the world of trouble she managed to escape from for a little while, way too soon and while a part of her was annoyed by it, the rest of her was never far away from the unpleasant reality of the life on the ground.

“When do we have to leave?” Clarke replied now composed with a firm gaze, natural to her once, now slowly coming back to her as the fragments of her old self were starting to come back to her.

“Soon. We eat, we pack and we leave.” Lexa stated and paused as if she was going to say something else, but wasn’t sure if she should.

“What is it?” Clarke attempted to extract the words from Lexa.

Lexa looked with uncertainty and a tightened jaw. Reluctant to speak.

“Lexa.” Clarke nudged her to speak in half-question.

“Your wound Klark.. I was hoping you would be able to get it stitched when we got you to a healer, but since we have to move…. I need to seal the wound.” She looked away slightly in hopes she would not have to explain everything.

“How? We don’t have a suture kit I suppose?” Clarke replied.

“No we don’t. Only way is to seal the wound with a hot blade.” Lexa replied now looking at Clarke, with a little more resolve in her eyes.

“Oh..ok… right.” Clarke knew it was possible to do, but she never had a need for it, since she always had a better alternative at hand. She nodded to Lexa with resolve.

Lexa took out a small knife she had tucked away behind her belt and held it out over the fire until the blade turned blue, she then approached Clarke with it. They looked at each other. Apology beaming from Lexa’s eyes, slight fear from Clarke’s. Clarke has removed the bandage from her thigh. The two day old wound was now looking better but was nowhere near being healed, as soon as she strained it, it would start bleeding again. There really were no options. Clarke swallowed as she looked at the burning blade, then looked at Lexa with a plea in her stare.”Will you hold me?”

Lexa only made a small nod and moved closer to Clarke. She sat behind her, left leg next to Clarke’s left and the right one bent in a sharp angle, sitting on her calf. Lexa pressed Clarke into her chest and extended her forearm in front of Clarke’s face. Clarke looked at Lexa’s arm, the guard on her forearm wasn’t there, only the soft leather part of it, she kept on while sleeping. “Bite down on my arm.” It wasn’t desirable for Clarke to make too much noise, but she didn’t want to make it even harder on her, she’ll be in pain and an arm was more pleasant to bite down on than a stick. Clarke opened her mouth and sank her teeth into Lexa’s forearm. “Ready?” Lexa asked firmly.”Do it.” Clarke relied with resolve and closed her eyes with a forceful frown.

The hissing sound of the burning flesh was followed by a loud scream that was being absorbed by flesh of Lexa’s left arm. Lexa clenched her jaw as Clarke’s teeth pressed intensely into the muscles of her arm, the pressure reaching the bones. It felt as though her arm was gonna snap in half, but she was glad she was able to offer at least some comfort to Clarke, she tightened her fist as she pressed the arm towards Clarke and the knife in the other hand towards the wound on her thigh. Clarke felt dizzy, she felt like she was losing consciousness at times, the pain was excruciating, her skin was bubbling from the heat and for a moment she was again returned to her nightmares of bodies burning in Mt.Weather, only thing that kept away the images was the excruciating pain, but her thoughts rushed in. She used to wonder how it would feel if her flesh was burning these past weeks, now she knew. The pain radiated through her and her mind took over, imagining how it would feel if every inch of her body was on fire. She screamed. She screamed into Lexa’s forearm, her body went limp as she hunched forward like a rag doll hanging over Lexa’s arm. She heard the soft cling of the metal against the rock through her sobs. Lexa quickly shifted her body so she could face Clarke, holding her limp body, took Clarke’s face into her palms. “Clarke. Clarke. It’s ok, it’s over now.” Clarke kept sobbing as if she didn’t hear her. “Clarke.” Lexa tried shaking her softly to snap her out of it. “Clarke, it’s alright, it’s done now. You’re ok.” She tried to calm her down, but started to realize Clarke wasn’t crying because the knife burned her skin.

“I killed them. I saw them burn again. The children. Their skin….the smell of their flesh...I can still smell it Lexa. When I close my eyes, I see their faces… it haunts me..” Clarke let out another sob and collapsed into Lexa’s arms. Lexa held her and stroked her hair for several long minutes. It pained Lexa to see Clarke’s demons grasping at her soul again, she knew she was the cause of it and that saddened her even more, it was a decision that has left a regret that was now seated deeply within her soul. Even though Clarke one day might, she wasn’t sure she will ever really be able to forgive herself for hurting Clarke this much. She squeezed her a little more then pulled away, she scooped Clarke’s cheek in a gentle motion that lifted her gaze towards Lexa. Her teary sky blue eyes were now looking at her as if her soul was screaming for help through them. Lexa looked at Clarke and whispered gently to her. “I am sorry I did that to you Klarke. I wish I could take it up on myself, but can’t. I know I wasn’t there when you needed me, but I’m here now.” Clarke nodded in response, still not quite back to her senses. She was half lost in the world of tears and regret, the throbbing and burning sensation radiating from her thigh started to call her back to reality. More and more with each pulse of blood like it was a beat of a drum, calling her to the front line of a battle.

She looked down at her leg, the spot was dark red and black, it looked so deformed and unnatural, she wasn’t able to compare it to anything really, but at least the wound was sealed. She slowly tried to get up with Lexa’s help. The leg hurt a lot, but she was already used to the pain of it. “It needs to breathe, but we will have to redress it later again, I have the algae packed, it should last until we find some replacement for it in the woods. Sit here.” Lexa sat her on a boulder near the stone pillar Clarke was originally tied to and threw herself into packing. There was not much to pack, only the food, the algae and some furs. She took the fur that Clarke slept on and tied it around her like a cape as to help her preserve more heat, Clarke’s body had enough to deal with already and had to be kept as warm as possible. She would try to make her some makeshift cap or hood when they had more time. The winter was almost here and _Azgeda_ lands were already cold even during warmer months. Fortunately they were in the southeast part of the territory, but it was still quite cold here, especially during the night.

Lexa did her best to clean up after them as to leave as few tracks as possible. She took the remains of the rope that was used to tie Clarke, the useful long part she wrapped around her chest and shoulder, the scraps she planned to bury on the way.

Lexa threw the hood of her cloak over her head and looked at Clarke with a silent nod. Clarke nodded back and they headed out. The sun was already up, low in the sky, but was fully visible. Clarke looked north in an attempt to see the army, but all she could see was some birds with the aura of uneasiness flying towards them. She looked at Lexa again with a question hiden behind her azure gaze and Lexa again replied before she could ask it. “The Flame allows me to see further and hear better than is normally possible. The army will be here in half a day.” Clarke was curious about this Flame, but felt like this was not a good time to ask about it. She trusted Lexa wouldn’t force her to travel in such a condition without a good reason. They could talk more when they were in the safe distance from here, her head was still spinning from the pain of the ad hoc wound sealing and her nightmare flashback, she had no strength to be inquisitive right now.

They set out east into the mountain area, after a while they could indeed see the sort of pass through the mountains that wasn’t too steep and had trees growing in places, here and there, less on the north side, more the south you looked. The path was mostly rocky, everything dirty white and grey, with pine trees sprinkled around scarcely and short bushes growing from the cracks in the rock. The morning light gave everything a shade of gold and the fresh air although chilly was a nice change compared to the stale air of the cave, it really was sort of beautiful.

Clarke needed some help with walking so she was leaning on Lexa, it didn’t make for a fast pace, but it wasn’t as bad as she expected. After they lost the sight of the cave, Lexa stopped and turned to Clarke. “Wait here, I will go back to cover our tracks.” Clarke nodded and sat on a nearby rock while she waited. I took some half an hour before Lexa got back. “All clear.” Lexa gave Clarke a quick smile and helped her get up.

They walked for a little while, when they came across a fallen tree that was already mostly dry, the fallen branches stuck out onto the crooked path. Lexa paused again motioned towards a nearby wall of rock and let Clarke lean on it, she made a few steps towards the fallen branch and examined it for a moment. After a few seconds she made her way towards a part of the branch that had several long and fairly straight branches sticking out from it and went on to break of one of them, after she succeeded she flipped it around, twirled it around then pulled out her knife and started sharpening one side of it, then flipped it and cleaned the bark on other side of it. After she was done, she used a smaller branch lying nearby to sweep away the oddments of wood and placed the branch back into the place to make it seem no one had touched it. She made her way back to Clarke and handed her the new walking stick with a wide grin. She was indeed so beautiful, Clarke had thought. She smiled back and accepted the stick with a thank you. The stick was very useful, she needed not to lean on Lexa anymore and as much as a part of her cursed the stick for that, it was a much more comfortable and faster way to walk.

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The path started to curve slightly upward, but still within the gorge that went through the mountains. It looked as though nobody ever passed through here and besides a single eagle that flew over them and a few bugs and lizards, Clarke hasn't spotted any life and she wasn’t sure if it felt more abandoned then peaceful or the other way around. The surrounding mountains gave shelter from the wind and except for the occasional gust of wind in the wider areas they passed through, she didn’t feel as cold as she did in the open area surrounding the cave, but she could still feel her cheeks being flushed from the chilly air brushing against them.

Clarke paused to catch her breath and looked around. “What’s the plan now?” She turned to Lexa. “We’ll try to turn south as soon as possible, but we need to pass through the mountain path, the forest connects to it on the other side, but we should see trees sooner. I estimate it will take us perhaps two days to reach the forest area, we’ll need to find shelter for tonight in a few hours.” She finished and bent over to pick a dry branch lying on the ground, dusted it off and slipped it into her bag next to a few others she had already collected along the way.

Clarke emptied her canteen with the last drop that landed in her mouth, she shrugged and looked around and took in the impressive surroundings with every inhale, she has never seen mountains this closely. Well Mt.Weather doesn’t count. She quickly repelled the intrusive chain of thought that tried to coil in as soon as the name came to her mind. It became a little easier to do the more she practiced it. Her mind jumped to the memory of the wound sealing and then wandered through the events of that day. She remembered, she was curious about the whole 'past Commanders' thing and decided it was finally a good moment to ask about it. “Tell me about the Flame.” She asked Lexa who was walking in front of her, scouting the terrain before them. Lexa replied after a brief lull. “What would you like to know, Klarke?” Clarke made a few slightly labored steps as she scrambled uphill leaning against her walking stick. The path was now flat and leveled again so as soon as she caught breath she responded. “What is it? You said it allows you to do...things?”

Lexa turned around briefly to check up on Clarke and replied. “It is the legacy of the first Commander, Becca Pramheda. It enhances the mind and senses, stores the minds of the past Commanders and allows the current Commander to communicate with them. They can offer advice and wisdom....opinions, sometimes.” She remembered her nightmare from last night, but shook it away hastily. Clarke haven’t noticed Lexa’s almost imperceptible distress as she was submerged deep in her own thoughts. A legacy? What kind of legacy? It enhances the senses and stores minds? It sounds like some sort of technology...but how would grounders have such a thing? And who was Becca Pramheda? Her mind was reeling, she wanted to ask about everything, but wasn’t sure where to start from. “So it is passed down somehow?” Lexa kept marching on and just let out one syllable “Yes.”

Clarke was wondering how to continue in her inquiry. “So there is like a royal bloodline or something and the Flame is passed to the heirs?” Clarke wasn’t sure if the question wasn’t silly, but Azgeda seemed to have a royal family, maybe there was such a thing with Commanders too. “No, not royal, but the blood of Commanders is required to be able to carry the Flame. When a nightblood child is found, they are brought to Polis to be trained as a Commander.” She paused briefly then continued. “When the reigning Commander dies, a conclave is held and the Spirit of the Commander chooses its successor.” Yet again Clarke wasn’t sure what to focus on in order to make sense of everything. It seemed the more answers she got, the more questions it created in turn. “Nightblood?” Clarke decided to go with that. “Yes, only a nightblood can merge with the Flame.” That didn’t seem to explain much, Clarke was sensed she was asking questions about things that are not normally discussed and didn’t want to lose the opportunity to learn more, by pushing too hard. “What happens if a non-nightblood merges with the Flame?” She asked curiously.

Lexa turned around to help Clarke up the hump of rocks they were going over as the path was beginning to grow slightly steeper. “They die.” Lexa replied simply as their gaze met briefly. That surprised Clarke, she didn't expect such an answer. This thing was truly intriguing. Although she had just learned a lot, it still felt like she didn’t really learn anything about it. So Lexa was this nightblood then? What was it anyways? But she felt like she had used up all of the credits she had for questions about this topic, so she remained quiet.

They approached an area that seemed a bit more pleasant and shielded, the mountain wall was by their left, but the more open area on the right side seemed to close a bit and there seemed to be a few more trees around than before. Clarke was interrupted from her pondering as Lexa appeared right in front of her, although in fact Lexa probably just stopped and waited before Clarke reached her. Clarke stopped abruptly in front of Lexa, only perhaps a feet away, just in time to not crash into her. The blonde was surprised, trying to understand the purpose of this action with her own analysis before trying to ask about it. Lexa was looking at her, standing so close again, it sent a jolt down her spine. Sometimes she forgot how her body always reacted to the Commander, only to be reminded of it periodically in these sorts of situations. Lexa held out her left palm with her fingers stretched out, then folded all but the index finger and before Clarke blinked, Lexa pulled a knife out thin air and pinned it into her finger, as to create a small puncture with it. Shortly after, a small drop of black blood gushed from the spot. Clarke was stunned. She has never seen blood like this, she wrapped her hands around Lexa’s and pulled it closer in order to examine it. The blood was truly black. Black as the soil, black as charcoal, black as - night.

She looked back at Lexa in awe, speechless, curious, but and as much as she planned to continue in being set aback by the revelation, the beauty of Commander’s face was too distracting. Clarke’s eyes traced Lexa’s features, getting drawn in by her green eyes, her gaze settled on the perky pink lips. Clarke paused, perhaps holding her breath, though she wasn’t sure, she bit her lips and pulled Lexa’s bleeding finger towards them. She parted her lips, slowly rested them on the bleeding spot and sucked on the wound gently as her tongue brushed softly against Lexa’s skin. She looked up at Lexa teasingly from under her brows. Lexa’s jaw tightened and rose up slightly and she held her breath in and felt a jolt of arousal passing through her body. Lexa stared into Clarke’s inviting cerulean eyes for a moment then moved her other hand up, she lifted Clarke’s chin slightly and moved in to press her lips against Clarke’s. Their mouths opened as their tongues explored each other. Lexa buried her hands in Clarke’s golden hair, the kiss was sensual, nearly lustful, one that again reminded them both of the ardent moment they shared in the cave.

Kiss that was somehow elevated, yet danced on the brink of animal desire. It was hard to contain their burning desire solely within a kiss, but it was all they had in that moment, the only channel that was able to conduct the intensity of their emotions without filter, so they both poured in as much of it as they could. Clarke bit Lexa’s lower lip, as to convey both her yearning and frustration, making Lexa moan, leaving Clarke only wanting more. They both wanted to continue reveling in their intimate moment, but they both knew it would only leave them even more frustrated and the fact that they needed to keep moving, soon snapped them back to reality. They parted reluctantly, their breath hot against the skin of the other, contrasting with the cool air that flew around. It was always difficult to let go once they got this close. Clarke, still dumbfounded from the moment, stared into Lexa’s gleaming eyes as the sensation of Lexa’s lips on hers and the feeling of Lexa’s fingers brushing against her cheek as she pulled them back, lingered on her skin. Clarke has never felt like this, not with Fin, not with anyone, it wasn’t even close. Lexa’s mere proximity always left her starstruck. Her touch, her lips.. It always left her so affected. She wondered if Lexa felt the same, but suspected it could be the case as she stared back at Clarke like she was the only thing she ever wanted her eyes to look at. “Come.” Lexa took Clarke’s hand and pulled her up another incline in their way. “We must find shelter for tonight.” She added with a smile that could melt a frozen lake and continued forward.

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Clarke was exhausted, her leg was hurting, they’ve been hiking the whole day and she simply wasn’t in shape for long journeys, or really any journeys. They couldn't have traveled very far given the pace and frequent stops they took so Clarke could rest, but it was most likely far enough from the approaching army, Lexa said it would take them a day to get there, so they probably weren't even at the line of the cave yet. It occurred to Clarke she haven’t given the army much thought, usually she’s all about analyzing situations, weighing options, making decisions….but ever since her time in the wilderness, meeting Lexa again, getting kidnapped then rescued, her mind was elsewhere, but probably also since she was so far removed from what was happening in the world of people and alliances for weeks now. The pain radiating from her thigh grounded her in here and now with every step, she was simply living in the moment and wasn’t thinking so much about other people, her people, plots, dangers or consequences. She simply wasn’t in a place, where she would be able think about all that and if she was to be honest, she didn’t really want to be. She felt as though her old self was a memory of a person long lost, someone she once knew, but could not quite recall. For the time being she was just her, just Clarke and it made her feel lighter.

Clarke was again pulled from her contemplations by Lexa’s voice. “Up ahead is a small cave-like hollow, I will go inspect it, wait here.” Clarke almost didn’t nod in response in time for Lexa to see before she hurried off. It always took her while before she acclimatized to her surroundings whenever she got snapped back to the real world by an outside stimulus. As she watched Lexa’s back diminish as the distance between them grew, she felt a pinch of guilt. She hasn’t been at all useful, not only she got herself captured, dragged Lexa all the way north, now she slowed her down like an anchor due to her - mostly self inflicted - injuries and Lexa was still doing all the work, collecting wood, scouting, finding shelter.. Lexa was back before Clarke managed to sink too deep into the pool of her self-pity. “The cavity will do, it is not too large, but it is sufficient. Come, Klarke.” Clarke managed to pull off a modest smile as she looked at the Commander. “Thank you.” Clarke let out the words that carried gratitude for many things on its wings as they flew towards the ears of the woman in front of her. Lexa gave her a feeble smile, one that was quickly replaced by an unsure and slightly sad expression “You don’t need to thank me, Klark.” Lexa replied, but Clarke insisted “Yes. I do..” she looked at Lexa with determination and pulled her by the sleeve to make her turn and look at her. “Really...thank you.” She stated with the ghost of sorrow in her expression. Lexa gave her a firm slow nod, they looked at one another silently.

Clarke had more on her mind, so she asked away. “Lexa, how are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere, doing things? And what about that army, where is it marching? Why?” Lexa looked at her now with worry peeking from behind her eyes. ”I didn’t plan to be away for so long.” She paused. “But plans change. Our journey north was...unexpected, but it is what it is. I must get to Polis as fast as possible, the army is most likely marching towards the capital, but I need to find out more, before they get there.” Clarke’s expression got even more troubled now, she suspected things to be serious, but her recent haze of selfishness that she chose to cloud herself with, prevented her from thinking too deeply about such things. Lexa was risking a lot by being here with her and Clarke has been slowing them down on top of it. The more she thought about it all, the more she realized how selfish she has been and she caused problems to others with her actions. Not thinking about consequences had consequences too. The gloom began to take over her as her shoulders started to drop under the weight of her declining mood. Lexa grabbed her good shoulder and squeezed it in assurance. “Hey.” She whispered reassuringly, gazing firmly into the blonde's troubled blue eyes. ” _Nou get yu daun Klark_. It is not your fault and worry solves nothing, we are on the way to Polis now and I will make sure to stop whatever it is Nia is plotting.” Clarke gazed back at her with resolve and replied “And I’ll help you.” Lexa nodded quietly in response with a soft smile on her lips “Come, the shelter is this way.”


	7. The Cliffhanger

The shelter wasn’t really a cave, it was more of a huge crack in the mountain wall that was maybe 10 feet wide, but grew narrower the deeper it went, it wasn’t too deep, at most 20 feet long, but it was plenty of room for both of them plus fire, it was wide enough not to feel claustrophobic but still narrow enough to have a sort of cosy feel a only thing the shelter was missing was a ceiling, which was a slight flaw as it would expose the fire, but nobody really went to these mountains and it wasn’t the rainy season now.

Lexa mentioned that they still didn’t have a sufficient amount of firewood, so she slipped out with a hasty reassurance of speedy return before she disappeared. Sun was beginning to set rapidly, the amber rays bathed the pale mountains, their surface seemed to soak up the light, some spilling back out covering them in a halo of sparkly aura, Clarke was amazed by the sight. She has never really been much of a painter, but this made her question her drawing career, not that there has been much of it lately anyway, still, it made her imagine how nice it would be to paint this landscape, wonder about the things she would do if things were different. Her daydreaming made her lose track of time and before she knew it, Lexa was already back with a few pieces of thick dry branches of the fallen pine tree that must have been lying around for many months as it became brittle from the wind that continuously abraded it. Lexa started working on preparing the campfire right away, the sun had nearly disappeared behind the horizon and the darkness was beginning to settle around them.

The small flame was happily crackling, making shadows dance around the walls. They ate most of the remaining meat during the day, it wasn’t processed in any way that would allow it to last long, all they could do was to fill up at the start of the day, so they were left with only berries now. It was enough to last until the next day, what they are gonna eat the next day was a tomorrow’s problem. Lexa had at last managed to take care of everything and had turned towards Clarke, to check up on her. Clarke was sitting with her back against the cold wall of their cave with no ceiling, visibly exhausted. “How is your leg?” Lexa asked. “Hurts” Clarke replied with a smirk. Corner’s of Lexa’s mouth rose up in a slight smile “Let me see”, she shifted towards her. Clarke unwrapped the bandage with the algae. The wound looked pretty bad, the flesh was a rainbow of white, red, black and everything in between, it was sort of hard to tell, which of it was healing and which of it was simply burned, but fortunately it didn’t seem to be infected - at least not visibly. Clarke’s forehead was burning up a little and her complexion was slightly pale, droplets of sweat crowning her forehead. There had to be some degree of infection, afterall, it was nearly impossible to prevent it with cauterized wounds, on top of that her body was still weak from all the weeks of starving, the past few days of eating haven’t rebuilt her strength enough, the whole day of travels in cool weather didn’t help either. The fact that she was even able to make it this far, although slowly, could only be attributed to her strong will. Clarke wasn’t one to complain, but Lexa could tell she must have been only half-conscious due to intense pain she was surely in, she truly wished they had more time for Clarke to get better before they set out and she prayed they would make it make it to Polis soon.

They were likely at least 80-100 miles from Polis, if Clarke’s condition worsened… well, she rather didn’t want to think about that. Lexa took out her canteen, stretched out her arm to give Clarke a sip, she then used the remains of the water to wash Clarke’s wound and redressed it with a new piece of algae fresh bandage, the last clean one they had. Clarke felt a knot tighten in her chest as she again realized how selfless Lexa actually was, it pained her everytime she witnessed an act of sacrifice, an ever present theme in Lexa’s life. Clarke ran out of water hours ago, but Lexa must have saved hers precisely for Clarke’s wound instead of drinking it herself. Lexa handed her a handful of berries and took a few herself. Clarked observed her and Lexa looked back at her with a smile. “You need to drink too, you know.” Clarke stated scoldingly. “I’m ok Klark, don’t worry. But we’ll have to find water soon.” Clarke was too tired to argue so she let it be. They sat there quietly, munching on berries, resting. The last rays of sunlight were slowly disappearing and the night was beginning to take over. It was much colder now the sun was down, it wasn’t very stealthy lighting fire in such a place, but it was either that or freezing to death, it was a calculated risk as the likelihood of somebody coming around was low, but Lexa always had her eyes and ears open.

Clarke buried herself deeper into the furs and pulled them tighter around her. Lexa got up, removed her cloak and stretched it out to Clarke. “I’ll trade mine for yours.” She smiled. “I’ll give it back in a bit.” Clarke looked at her suspiciously, but gave away her pseudo cloak she just tried to wrap herself in more deeply. Lexa’s cloak wasn’t as warm, but it was longer and had a hood, so it was warmer in a way. On top of that, it smelled of Lexa. The earthy sweet scent was intoxicating. Again, she was caught off guard by the effect it had on her. She wasn’t used to feeling like this and she didn’t like how it affected her, how it always took over her, how it sneaked in under her skin against her will, mixing with her being without permission. But the warmth and the aura of comfort that enveloped her was difficult to fight and soon she gave up on the fight like she always did, when it came to things Lexa related.

After a while, she realized she was again lost in her own world and Lexa was now sittin on the other side of the campfire crafting something out of her fur cover. As she zoomed in, she recognized the cloth that was used covered her head only a few days ago, but now reshaped by knife into what began to resemble a hood. Lexa felt her stare so she looked up and addressed the question hanging in the air. ”You need cover from the wind, also your hair is very distinctive, it is best to hide it. I hope you don’t mind, I used the same cloth that Ash used as a blindfold, but it is the best we have at the moment.” She finished with a barely noticeable apologetic smile.

Clarke was a bit out of it, so it took her a moment before she realized she was supposed to say something already. Although she couldn’t say she had fond memories of the blindfold, she didn’t mind, she was glad she’ll be a bit warmer, but here was Lexa again, doing something nice for her. Always thinking of her, always thinking of everything. Clarke had to wonder if Lexa actually ever thought about herself. She remembered the time when they were running from the mutant gorilla and Lexa urged her to leave her behind, dismissing her own life as a simple logical casualty of the situation. Clarke tried to remember all the times Lexa had done something seemingly ruthless or selfish, now realizing Lexa never held her own life in higher regard than other people’s, she was cold and calculating, but she never excluded herself from those cold calculations. But she excluded Clarke _“Not everyone, not you”_ Clarke remembered the moment they shared Lexa’s tent and her chest tightened, an ache got a hold of her heart. Lexa must have waged a war with herself when it came to Clarke, time and time again, ever since...who knows how long. She thought about all they have been through together, ever since their meeting. How magnificent, but intimidating and inaccessible she looked the first time she saw her, sitting on her throne of antlers, twirling a knife in her hand. Cold and dangerous, yet somehow different, as if there was something more behind those eyes, something she didn’t consciously see at first, but became more and more attuned to it the more she got to know her. Cold and calculating, somebody who seemed not to have a warm spot in her heart, but then the moment Clarke said she was capable of turning reapers back into men, a sincere care seeped from her voice, warmth that radiated from her eyes as a spark of hope for cure for the pain ignited within. Clarke now saw the same warmth whenever she looked into Lexa’s eyes. She could see the deep care Lexa felt for other people, her people...and Clarke. Lexa glanced at her briefly with a smile and there it was again, the calm loving flame that burned behind the green eyes.

Clarke smiled back and curled into the cloak tightly, closing her eyes that began to cover in moisture, she inhaled the scent of Lexa’s cloak deeply and drifted into a half-asleep state. The campfire soaked into her dream and formed into a sunset, she could almost hear the waves rustle against the shore, Lexa was beside her, their fingers intertwined, they chatted casually, carelessly, they were smiling and Lexa said something, Clarke frowned slightly then poked Lexa lightly and she laughed, Clarke told her off playfully and let out a small laugh herself and settled her head on Lexa’s shoulder, standing next to her, wrapped around her arm, she murmured Lexa’s name. It took her a moment before she realized she was awake, Lexa was crouching next to her. “Yes, Klarke? I’m here.” Soft words touched her ears,Clarke blinked a few times and looked around. There they were in the cave-crack in the cold mountains, the campfire warming up a finite circle around it, just enough to keep her front side warm, stars scattered around the night sky, and Lexa’s gorgeous face hovering above her, looking at her patiently. “Wh..what?” Clarke ushered still a bit disoriented. “You called me.” Lexa explained calmly. “Oh, yeah, no, I’m.. I don’t know.. I’m fine.” Clarke babbled out softly. Lexa just smiled back understandingly as if she expected nothing else.

“Your cloak is ready.” She stretched it out in front of them. The fur cloak now had a sort of hood made of the thin material, the rectangle shaped hood used to cover her head was now triangular in shape, one side was now loose and the two corners of it were tied back together with one of the upper as to make the sides of the hood thicker. The hood itself was attached to the fur by a string that used to hold together the side of the rectangular cloth. The string went through carefully punctured holes in the fur, tied one by one as a simulation of needlework, in ten or so spots. It was very crafty and surprisingly well made given the materials and tools available. Clarke wasn’t sure what to say, but blurted out “Thank you.” Lexa smiled again and asked “Can I have my cloak back now?”

Clarke realized she wasn’t as happy as she should have been, the fur cloak was warmer, but Lexa’s gave out a different kind of warmth. She felt a bit silly and childish and it made her blush slightly. “Sure” she unwrapped herself from the cloak and gave it back to Lexa. Lexa in turn covered Clarke in the fur cloak and put hers back on. Lexa then froze for a split second as the cloak settled on her shoulders. She now too fell victim to the other girl’s scent that her cloak soaked in during the hour or so it was wrapped around the blonde. She inhaled with resistance and her jaw tightened slightly. She regained control soon after, but she was taken aback by it a little, she didn’t expect it, she knew all too well how she felt about Clarke, but regardless, she tried not to dwell on the feeling so much and focus on tasks at hand, so sometimes forgot how it impacted her.

“Come here, let’s sleep.” Clarke said, now pulling Lexa from her thoughts for a change. Lexa raised her eyebrows as she didn’t realize she was now the one that was lost in thought, corners of her mouth rose up slightly and she put a large piece of branch into the campfire, made her way towards Clarke and lied down behind her, covering them both with her cloak. Clarke relaxed back into Lexa as if it was pure comfort condensed into a thick cloud that now wrapped around her. Lexa’s body tightened for a moment as rush of electricity and affection coursed through her, her instinct to be in control at all times kicked in automatically, trying to keep her alert and at the same time trying to prevent her emotions from taking over, but she chose to let it, sank her face into Clarke’s golden hair and melted around her. Clarke wriggled a little bit as to settle into Lexa’s body some more and drifted back into sleep. Lexa was still awake, breathing in Clarke’s hair, despite being messy from weeks in the wilderness, it still gave off this unique Clarke scent, it was intoxicating, making her feel a little weak, it was both comforting and disturbing. She was still struggling with how she was feeling about Clarke and how it fit in - or rather how it didn’t - with her duty.

Her mind was full of everything, conflicting emotions, plans, strategies. The current situation was alarming. She knew Nia has been plotting against her for as long as she could remember, her scouts have been bringing more and more troubling news lately, especially after the fall of the Mountain. Lexa’s strength was in question, it was an opportunity Nia couldn't pass up, but this time it seemed like there is something bigger happening, the Ice Queen has likely been plotting something for a long time and the time has come to put her plan in motion. Lexa wasn’t sure what kind of plan it was, as big as the Ice Nation’s army was, it was still no match for the united armies of the twelve clans, it would be a foolish move. Unless the armies weren’t so united…. Nia wasn’t a foolish person, there had to be more to her move. Likely she was trying to destabilize the alliance, discredit Heda, make alliances of her own. Trying to capture Wanheda to gain her power… at least that part of the plan she managed to thwart, but Clarke was still in danger. She would be even more, if Nia found out how she felt about her. All of this was making her feel anxious, she needed to get to Polis as fast as possible, the alliance was in danger, she been away for too long already and will likely take her even longer to get back, Titus was likely both worried and furious, she has set out to find Wanheda herself, against his suggestions and has now been away much longer than anticipated. Heda being away this long didn’t send a good message, Titus will be able to keep things under control and make up excuses for her absence only as long. She tightened her arms around Clarke a little more and pressed closer to repel both cold and worry. Clarke...Lexa closed her eyes and let herself fall into a half-sleep as she needed to stay somewhat alert in order to keep watch, but she also needed to get at least some sleep.

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The morning came sooner she thought, a breeze of cool air brushed past her cheek and made Clarke open her eyes. The fire had nearly burnt-out only a small flame flickered over the dying embers. Sun was already up, but too low in the sky to have much of an effect on the temperature, her micro movements alarmed the body behind her. Lexa was still there, her arm wrapped around Clarke’s waist. Clarke smiled, her leg still hurt as hell, but this made it hurt a little less. “Good morning” said the voice behind her. Clarke’s grin grew a bit wider and she turned around to return the greeting. Lexa’s green eyes were looking at her, her radiant smile beaming brighter than sunlight. Clarke couldn’t help it and had to close the gap between them with a kiss. Lexa was a bit surprised by it, but definitely not unhappy about it. “We need to head out soon.” Lexa stated after a brief moment of indulgence in the moment. Clarke knew she was right so only nodded silently and attempted to get up.

Her still aching body wasn’t all too happy about it and protested a little. Clarke moved around, trying to assess her state. All her muscles were sore, but it wasn’t too horrible, her right arm was healing fairly well, the only thing that was still in sub-optimal shape was her right leg, or at least pain-wise. She managed to sit up and limber up a bit. Lexa gave her the remains of their berries. “We need to keep our eyes and ears open for some water source.” Clarke was well aware. Even though she forgot about everything at times and felt like she was on a trip in nature with Lexa, the truth was, she needed proper rest so her leg could heal, they were out of food and water, somewhere in the chilly mountains far away from allies and the war seemed to be brewing. The realization grounded her in the reality again, she was determined to do her best to not slow Lexa down so much, she felt enough guilt about it as is.

They packed their things within minutes and set out. The day was just starting out, the light was bright, but cool, the air was crisp and it felt to be moving again. Despite the pain pulsing in her leg, it felt good to keep the blood flowing. Lexa was leading the way again, they continued on the path that lead along the mountain wall they had to their left, the right side spread out into a sort of gorge, with much lower peaks of mountains on its other side, Clarke could see a treeline in the distance up front and some trees popping up here and there on both sides, sun was in their face so it was a bit harder to see straight ahead, but the way the landscape was illuminated was breathtaking. They’ve been walking for a few hours now, only made one stop so far, Clarke was beginning to struggle with thirst at this point. She wasn’t too hungry, after all she had spent weeks in the wilderness starving, so she was used to low to no food intake, but recent meals have reminded both her and her stomach that it was better when it was filled. The air was somewhat thinner here and Clarke felt a little lightheaded.

The sun was high in the sky and it was finally warmer now, but the journey was starting to feel a little monotonous, as much as she liked the mountains, it was beginning to feel like there was no end to them. As if Lexa could read her mind, she turned around with words. “We are getting closer to the forest area, I suspect only a few more hours.” She forced a smile so to make Clarke feel better, she could see her leg was hurting and she was starting to become dehydrated, they needed to find some water source soon. The terrain was getting a bit steeper now, the gorge on their left was starting to disappear from the view and began to turn into chasm as they sloped up higher, Clarke wasn’t particularly afraid of heights, but looking down still made her stomach constrict, the path was getting narrower as well, but still wide enough to fit four horses next to each other. The ground was starting to level so they were able to catch a breath at last.

A gust of wind blew some dirt their way and a few small rocks fell from the mountain side. Both of them lifted an arm in a unison to shield their eyes from the dust. _“Wan op, Azgeda!!!”_ A voice yelled out fiercely from above, a few larger rocks tumbled down and Clarke let out a short scream, before they could realize where it came from, Lexa was lying on her back wrestling a wild looking dark haired figure dead set on stabbing her with his knife. A feral looking boy, with fear in his eyes jumped from the hiding spot on the above ridge attacking now Lexa out of the blue, she was prepared to kill the attacker, but realizing it was a child she stopped herself in time not to cut his face open with her own knife, she pulled from her belt, but it grazed his face, leaving a black trail behind. A drop of black blood dripped on her own face and her eyes widened in surprise and realization, as soon as she was about to say something the boy himself noticed the drop and instinctively pulled his hand over the cheek in an attempt to hide the scratch, his eyes wide, now even more terrified.

 _“Hod op! Ai nou na bash yu op.”_ The boy backed away a little in an uncertain manner and Lexa reach out her hand _“Ai nou laik Azgeda”_ she attempted to move her hand holding the knife towards her face _“sin i-”_ And before she finished it, the boy kicked her in the chest hard and darted away with all his might, she managed to soften the blow with her arm that was no longer wrestling the knife pointed at her. Prepared to chase after the boy she sprung herself up, but Clarke’s quiet wail distracted her. “Klarke!”

Lexa turned left to see Clarke buried under a bunch of medium sized rocks, holding a hand to her head. Lexa quickly jumped to her and began to remove the rocks from her. There weren’t too many and it seemed she wasn’t seriously injured, but one of the rocks hit her head and she was bleeding from the spot. “Klarke, are you alright?” Lexa looked at her worriedly. “Eh…” Clarke let out a pained squeal “My head…” she tried to regain the sense of direction and Lexa spoke to her insistently “Look at me, Klark.” she removed the blonde’s hood and began to assess the damage. Clarke was still a bit disoriented but managed to focus on Lexa’s face. “Klark, how do you feel? Talk to me.” Clarke was beginning to come to her senses fully, her head wasn’t spinning so much anymore, only the headache persisted, along with the blood gushing slowly from the side top part of her head. “I’m ok...I think. Oh, God, my head...hurts.”

Lexa inspected Clarke’s blue eyes more closely, the pupils looked normal, she then checked the wound, she pulled out an older bandage from the bag and ripped off a part of it that wasn’t dirty along with a piece of red algae and put it on Clarke’s head. ”Thank you.” Clarke took over and held the cloth to her head herself. “What was that?” she asked with a frown. “Some boy. He thought we were Ice Nation, but ran away as soon as I saw his blood.”

“His blood?” Clarke asked with surprise. “Yes. It seems he is a Natblida. He must live nearby.”

“Nightblood? Like you?” Clarke couldn’t believe it.

“Yes.” Lexa replied.

”I thought Nightbloods were rare?” Clarke continued with questions.

“It is. He must have hidden from scouts, he looked quite old, perhaps 14 or 15 years.”

 _Scouts?_ Clarke was starting to feel a little silly asking so many questions, but concluded it had to be some people trained in finding children with black blood. With that, even more questions popped into her head, but didn’t feel like getting answers to them right now.

“Can you stand?” Lexa asked after moments of silence. Clarke extended her hand and Lexa grabbed it, pulling her up carefully. Clarke was still a bit dizzy but able to stand, she gave Lexa a forced smile. Lexa then took the rest of the old bandage and tied it around the algae patch so Clarke wouldn’t have to hold it with her hand the whole time. It seemed like the wound had stopped bleeding, but it was better to have it bandaged. Her hair was now flowing freely in the wind around the cloth, she almost looked like a strange pirate with it, Lexa would almost laugh if she hadn’t been so worried about Clarke’s well being.

“How do you feel now?” Lexa asked inquisitively.

“Better, almost normal.” Not that her current normal was something to brag about.

Lexa nodded. “We need to find some better place where you can rest. Come, the forest seems to be near. Be careful.”

Lexa slipped under her arm and let Clarke lean on her for support. Clarke’s mouth curled into a smirk. “This brings back memories.” It took Lexa a split second to realize, but it hit her right away. Clarke helped Lexa in the same way, when she hurt her arm while they were running away from the mutant gorilla. Corners of Lexa’s mouth rose up in a light smile and her eyes closed a little and she exhaled with a playful scoff.

They tottered forward slowly on the narrow rocky path that curled around the mountain and led into an area that indicated the edge of the woodland. They were nearing the forest, finally. Clarke let go of Lexa and smiled back at her. “I’m better now. Thank you.” Lexa looked at her with a hint of doubt, but nodded and let go as well. The remaining mountain path was oddly structured, but it seemed to be the result of the area that was curiously blending from mountain into forest like zone. There weren’t many trees at the entrance area, mostly dry dirt, rocks and pine needles. Everything in sight looked like mother nature used up all shades of brown and grey on a patch of land that then slowly formed into a more alive looking forest. Clarke set out first this time, eager for the change of scenery. Lexa wasn’t too happy about it, but was right behind her, determined to get in front, as soon as they were in the open area. Clarke turned to Lexa to say something, but dizziness took her over so she wobbled a bit and made a step back, grasping around trying to find something she could hold on to or lean on. “Klarke!” Lexa yelled and launched herself towards Clarke.

Clarke had made another step back when Lexa got to her, but missed her by a split second. Where Clarke stood a moment ago, was now only air. The ground behind Clarke wasn’t quite solid and the strange terrain was in fact hiding a hole in the path that was covered by dirt and loose rocks. The moment Clarke stepped on them, they began to crumble right under her and she slid through them with a scream. The rocks tumbled down, some hit her and she yelled out, unsure if it was out of fear or pain, but she managed to catch hold of the edge of the path that did not crumble down with her hands and Lexa grabbed one of Clarke’s arms just as the weight of her body settled on the edge of the rock she was now clinging to.

Lexa threw herself on the ground, just in time to catch the other girl, but as she did, her bag flipped open, the algae, bandages and the little useful things she carried around fell out, the bag itself trailing behind them. “I got you Klarke!” Lexa yelled as she tried to hold onto a protruding nearby rock with the other hand. The remaining rocks have finally stopped moving, the rumble of the fallen ones echoed in the void below them until that sound too died down. “Don’t you let go Klark, I’ll get you up!” Lexa assured her through gritted teeth, although she wasn’t quite sure how to accomplish this, a drop of sweat fell from her forehead and past Clarke into the abyss below. Clarke was suspended in the air, hanging solely by her hands with nothing she could prop up against with her dangling legs and wasn’t sure how much longer she would be able to hold onto.

Had Lexa not grabbed her arm, she wasn’t even sure she’d still be holding on, this was definitely not how she thought her life would end, not after everything she has been through. She was determined to pull herself up somehow, but was too scared to move around too much, she was barely holding on and frankly, there wasn’t room for much error, her head bandage was slowly started to loosen and she felt it slip, she looked down briefly as it slid from her head, but hoisted her gaze back up in an instant, her stomach turned, the height was sickening, she looked up at Lexa as much as she could from in between her stretched out arms. Lexa was trying to pull her up, but it was no use. Despite her strength, there was nothing she could use to leverage the hanging girl’s weight against and the rock she was holding onto offered only so much support, it seemed like the only thing she could do was to hold on for as long as possible until her muscles gave out. Focus, Lexa thought hard to herself. _What could she do?_


	8. Em slip daun kom skai

She wasn’t gonna let go of Clarke no matter what, she needed to figure out something, she tried to turn her head the other way in order to look around and a rope flew by her. She wasn’t sure if she had just imagined it so she scanned the background for a source of it. The dark haired boy that had attacked them not long ago was now securing the rope around a nearby tree, cautiously approaching Lexa.

“Lexa, what is this?” Clarke called out as a piece of rope suddenly appeared next to her, dangling down from the cliff. Lexa said nothing, too afraid she would startle the boy again, she simply observed him and let him take charge. The boy observed her timidly, his dark eyes had a slightly threatening look, but Lexa could tell it was a sign of fear. _“Sis em au na gyon op”_ he spoke and stretched out his arm out down towards the hanging blonde _“sis tayon op”_ he yelled out at her. Clarke looked up again with difficulty, her arm muscles burning as if on fire.

The wild boy who attacked them before was holding out his arm and wrapped his thin but strong fingers around her forearm. _“Sis tayon op!”_ he called out to her in a serious tone with urgency. “I can’t.. I… if I let go, I’ll fall down.” Clarke struggled. “You won’t Klarke, we got you, grab the rope!” Lexa encouraged her. Clarke was afraid like never before, the void below her, seemed to wield a mysterious power that was trying to pull her down, devour her, make her part of it.

She knew she had no choice, but her survival instinct didn’t want her to let go of the cliff, she tried to gain courage with a controlled breath, zoomed in on the rope and grabbed it and held onto for dear life - literally. Lexa and the boy each held one of her arms, they pulled hard and slowly Clark was rising up, now that she was closer to the edge, the boy grabbed her jacket in the shoulder are and helped her get up a bit higher, Clarke was now almost half way up, a part of her torso was now clinging to the ground and she tried to prop herself up against the nearby wall and as she did, part of it crumbled down and she slid back a good feet. Her hand slid down on the rope several inches and burned a trail into her palm as she struggled to hold onto it at all costs. As her head recoiled down a full on view of the ground below her stared back at her and she could clearly make out the outlines of a human skeleton on the bottom, she swallowed dryly in fear. Clarke looked back up promptly, determined to forget what she’d seen immediately. They were now almost back to square one, Clarke tried once more, this time more carefully, fortunately most of the loose material had fallen down and the rest was pretty solid. She used it to push up and they pulled her up in one synchronized motion. After she was half way up, it was much easier to go up the rest of the way. Clarke scrambled up desperately like a panther trying to hold onto a tree trunk it jumped at and rolled over on her back as she propelled herself up with one last motion. Lexa and the boy sitting next to her, supporting themselves on the arms stretched out behind them, were all panting, trying to catch a breath. _“Mochof.”_ Clarke turned to the boy as soon as she was able to calm down enough to say something. The boy only let out a determined “Mh” in agreement along with a nod. Clarke looked at Lexa with a bowl of emotions behind her eyes, a mix of apology, gratitude and relief. Lexa’s emotions seemd to cancel each other out, so she just looked back at Clarke wordlessly hoping to erase the moment ago from her memory. All was well, Clarke was safe.

They both now turned to the boy and Lexa spoke out. _“Mochof…”_ she paused as she didn’t know the boy’s name, but he quickly filled the gap. _“Ai laik Rami”_. _“Mochof, Rami, Ai laik Leksa en dison laik Klark”_. He stared at her curiously, his eyes narrowed as if he was trying to determine something. _“Yo nou laik Azgeda?”_ the boy asked, trying to reassure himself, still having a hard time trusting the newcomers. _“Nou, osir nou laik Azgeda. Ai laik kom Trikru en Klarke laik kom Skaikru.” “Ai laik Trikru! ....Skai...kru?”_ His excitement from meeting another person from his clan was replaced by puzzlement at hearing about a clan he never heard of before, he looked at Clarke unbelievingly. _“Sha, ai slip daun kom skai ona ayon skaifloudon”_ His eyes widened in disbelief _”Jos bilaik Becca Pramheda??!”_ They both looked at him with their mouth slightly parted. Lexa was shocked by this boy’s knowledge, he was a Nightblood afterall, yes, but he was not part of her conclave and too young to be a part of any other. What was this child doing here in the mountains? _“_

 _"Nou na laik ridiyo!”_ he shouted out. _“Sha, em laik ridiyo”._ Clarke replied with a smile, charmed by this boy’s excited disbelief. Lexa was on the other hand surprised by how well Clarke spoke her language, but then again, she knew how smart Clarke was and how interested in their culture she had always been, corners of her mouth rose up with a feeling of pride. The boy made a sudden move towards Clarke, his face was right in hers, he was looking at her closely, examining every inch of her face, especially her eyes and hair, he took a few strands into his hands and twirl them around a little and then shouted _“Eir!”_ Clarke looked at Lexa in hopes she would translate this for her, she could speak basic trigedasleng, but she didn’t know all the words. Lexa was however just as baffled as she was and looked back at her with a shoulder shrug. The boy continued in his inquiry _“Yu laik fisa?”_ Clarke’s eyebrows rose up a little in surprise, a curious deduction… she had no idea why the boy would think that. _“Sha…”_ she replied slowly.

And the boy started shouting excitedly _“Eir! Eir slip daun kom skai!”_ he backed away a few feet then crawled right back, still mesmerized by Clarke’s presence. She and Lexa were both baffled and speechless, they weren’t sure what to think, so they continued just observing with their mouths slightly agape, looking at him, then at each other, then him again over and over in a ping pong manner, trying to make sense of the situation. After a while Clarke’s adrenaline started to crash and the physical toll was starting to show. Her head still hurt, her arm got reinjured as the finally sealing wound got reopened, her leg burned as the sand and dirt got behind the bandage that was now clinging to her leg only loosely. The painful expression on Clarke’s face pulled the boy from his euphoria and his own switched to serious in a blink, his brows crooked and eyes half-closed as he looked at her worriedly. _“Miya.”_ He waved his hand back, pointing somewhere into the woods. Clarke and Lexa looked at each other with their eyebrows raised, exchanged a short conversations wordlessly with their eyes, shrugged and nodded. Lexa moved towards Clarke in order to help her stand, she slipped under her arm just like before and let the injured blonde lean on her. They trailed after the boy with a delay, he kept rushing forward, but always came back again when he realized the pair was falling behind too much. After about a quarter of hour a small house came into a view. It was fairly well hidden behind a mountain wall on one side and trees in other directions, yet it had a nice flat space around itself. It seems to fit perfectly into the place, as if it wasn’t even trying to hide, yet oddly, unless you knew where to go, you may have not found it. When they came closer, they could see, the house connected to the mountain wall on that one side and was in a questionable shape, the roof seemed to have been rebuilt and patched up several times, with animal skins hanging over it and crossed over spear-like wooden spikes surrounding it in a dangerous looking attempt at fence. Something about it reflected both the persona and visage of the boy. Wild, messy, yet somehow warm, strong and deliberate.

The boy stopped before them abruptly and gestured at them harshly to stop, so they did. A bit confused by the sudden change of temperament, they stood and waited. The boy got closer to the spike fence, scrabbled around in the dirt and moved a few rocks, then stuck a stick in the ground near the entrance and a wire appeared on the furthest edges of the land, he had just disarmed a trip wire trap set around his home. Lexa’s corners wrapped in a slight smirk, Clarke was barely standing up though, so they went in as soon as they were allowed to.

There were wood logs piled up on the left side of the entrance, right along the mountain wall, a delicate stream of water seeped through a crack in the rock and disappeared into a place where the wall connected to the ground, wall the house had two small chimneys and one hole like window next to the wall with entrance. When they entered, they were surprised by a rather lovely looking house with a low ceiling, only about one and a half person high, at the center of it, there was a living room with a large animal fur in the middle of it, a short round table place on it and a burning fireplace in the far right corner of it and two sofa like cushions made of furs on both sides of the table. There was a kitchen on the left, that connected directly into the livingroom and some other rooms on the remaining sides. It was hard to believe a boy would have built all that on his own.

He motioned to the closest of the two sofas and Lexa laid Clarke down on it, the boy had re-appeared from the room next to the kitchen to which he had vanished like a ghost a few seconds ago. He was carrying a bowl of water stacked on top of an empty bowl with a few pieces of cloth hanging over it’s edge, he set it down next to Clarke and left for the kitchen, he was efficient, focused, only communicated with his eyes. Lexa would have tanked him, but an affirming nod was enough and she turned to Clarke to unwrap the bandage on her leg. Lexa knew, even before the bandage came off, that the wound was going to be a mess.

Dirt and sand was stuck to the slimy bandage and a handful of it fell on the wooden floor in intervals, bogged down into the fur below. Lexa had no time to feel bad for the mess she was making as Clarke’s wrinkled expression interspersed with hisses signaled trouble and sure as hell, the wound was a mess. The leg was bruised around the wound, it seemed that a rock hit her right in the spot, it was difficult to determine the origin of each of the colors that Clarke’s thigh was painted in. The wound itself was mostly red and black with occasional patches of yellow slime and a sand sprinkled all over, Lexa had to force herself to not look away, her expression widened and her jaw locked as she held a breath.

She looked at Clarke reassuringly, almost hiding her worry behind a calm expression. “This will be uncomfortable,” Lexa warned. Clarke needn’t be told that, it was already uncomfortable, hell, it hurt as fuck, she doubted it could get worse then it already was. Lexa separated the bowls and put the empty one under Clarke’s leg and began to pour some water on the wound in order to clean the small rocks and dirt from it. Clarke let out a choked groan as the water touched the surface of the wound and the tiny rocks began to roll down her exposed flesh into the empty bowl under her leg.

The water was dirty, ugly colored, with blood and some pus and bits of blackened skin. She had again cursed her own stupidity as there was no one else to blame for this but her, the more time went by from that moment, the more stupid it felt. A second round of water pouring down or rather the burning sensation it caused snapped her back to the room. After the second round and some direct cleaning with the wet cloth Lexa performed, the wound was now clean-ish. It was probably as good as it gets.

The boy had appeared from the kitchen with a small jug he held by a long handle and a small round wooden box in the other hand. He crouched down next to Clarke and Lexa, set the wooden box on the floor and dipped the jug into the bowl of water. Lexa looked at the boy and the jug with a question drawn on her face and the boy explained _“trijus”_ , as soon as the thick liquid within cooled down to a satisfactory temperature, the boy lifted it up and looked at Clarke with determination, he nodded and she knew what he meant so she nodded back, Lexa quickly grabbed Clarke’s shin and held it down just in time to prevent it from flying upwards and kicking one of them as the tree sap dripped on the exposed flesh, there was however nothing to prevent a scream from escaping her lungs.

Clarke was now sweating heavily, her complexion pale and partially out of it. Lexa wiped off the extra sap that spilled over to the rest of her leg with the cloths and their host grabbed the wooden box. He removed the lid to expose a four-colored powder of white, light green, black and yellow. He poured the powder on the sap layer and turned it into colorful scab of sorts, one that covered the entirety of Clarke’s wound. He looked at Clarke, nodded and as she nodded back he exposed his teeth in a wide grin.

They both exhaled in a relief, Clarke was still pale like the surrounding mountains, but her breathing started to even out and she felt her body calming down slightly, whatever the boy put on her wound was already working it’s magic. He swiftly repeated the process with her arm, cleaned the wound on Clarke’s head with water and sprinkled a small amount of the powder on the head wound as well. _“Mochof… Rami”_ Clarke smiled feebly back at him with the last of her strength. Lexa nodded and thanked him as well. He smiled with a nod and went back to the kitchen to put back the jug and the box then returned to sit by them on the fur. _“Yu na kamp raun ai hou kom taim Ei-Klar..ke gon figa”_ Lexa was about to ask him something when he ran off into one of the rooms that was opposite of the entrance door and came back with a book. He showed an aged book into Lexa’s arms.

The book was maybe an inch thick, the spine and the edges were as well kept as they could be and although battered it was in a fairly good shape, it had a greyish cover with hardly readable title and on the cover were several beautiful women in various outfits, some in warrior armor, some in beautiful dresses, although those too had elements of armor present. Rami pointed to one in a dress that had golden hair and said _“Sin au, Eir!”_ Lexa looked up at him, he was smiling and she looked at Clarke and turned the book towards her so she could see too. Her brows rose curiously. He looked at one then the other and felt as though they were still not getting him, so he snatched the book back and flipped through several pages in a swift manner and showed Clarke. At the first page of the chapter, a beautiful ethereal looking blonde woman in a light armor was depicted, his finger slid down to the par in the text that said “.. and then was Eir, the most accomplished healer, who resided on Lyfjaberg where the goddess sits surrounded by her helpful spirits.”

Clarke looked at the book in awe then looked up at Rami in the same way, _“Yu na fig gonasleng au?”_ She asked in disbelief, Lexa looked at her as Clarke handed her the book so she could see for herself. Lexa looked down, then looked up with an expression that said I need to pinch myself to see if I’m not dreaming. Rami replied shyly _“louki”_ , he paused then he added _“ai nomon don fig em au laud gon ai”_. Lexa then asked _“yu nomon?.. Em na fig gonasleng au?“_ The boy responded _“sha”_ with a nod. _“Chon yu nomon bilaik?”_ Lexa continued curiously with her enquiry. _“Em don laik seda”_ he replied with pride and a ghost of sadness in his voice. Lexa felt a bit bad for prying, she didn’t want to question the boy so much, especially when it meant confronting him with possibly painful memories, but she needed to get to the bottom of this mystery child. _“Chit don gon daun gon yu nomon?”_ she asked tenderly. Sadness settled deeper into the boy’s face and he replied after a moment of silence _“Em don ge rip klin.”_ He grit his teeth and narrowed his eyes as his head slouched down and turned to the side, droplets of water gathered at the edges of his eyes. He seemed to get lost in thought for a moment.

 _“Gon ai non-tu seintaim...”_ He uttered through the teeth as he clenched his fists until they turned white. He looked up when a hand landed softly on his shoulder, Clarke was looking at him compassionately. “It’s ok..” She tried to convey her understanding, almost wishing she could hug him, but found it too inappropriate given they were practically strangers, but something about the boy made her grow close to him fairly quickly, so she tried to convey as much as she could through her gaze. She too knew the pain of losing a parent, though she could hardly imagine a situation where she would be living without either of them, alone in such a secluded place, so far away from a single living soul, it almost brought a tear to her eye, but seeing the boy was very strong, she didn’t want to degrade him by feeling sorry for him.

He looked back at her as if he understood what she was trying to convey at least partly and corners of his mouth rose briefly in a faint smile as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve and stood up. He disappeared back into the kitchen and came back with mug of water, that he gave to Clarke and a plate full of dried meat which he set on the floor between them, _“choj op”_ He said and so they ate, quietly, peacefully. Lexa’s mind was contemplating the boy’s origin, Clarke was thinking about the boys tragedy, her father, her mother and her friends, thinking a little bit about everything - her demons, other people and how it all compared, she realized she never asked Lexa about her parents, but then again, there was never a time or place for that, but it occurred to her, she had to have parents too, whether they were still alive or not was another story, one she would one day like to hear about as well, but for now her thoughts turned back to the boy that has been taking care of her and the house he lived in. The flame in the fireplace flickered peacefully, walls of the house were all made of wood, and had various ornaments hanging on the walls in some places. Behind her, on the wall was a more than half-empty bookshelf that had only a few books in it, the rest was filled with carved out wooden animals and colorful rocks. Despite there being only few books, it was more than she had ever seen in any other place than Ark and Mt.Weather, she wondered where he got them, as books had to be extremely rare among grounders or at least so she assumed.

Lexa was observing the boy carefully and he seemed to feel a bit uneasy from that, so she decided to let it go...for now. Rami has excused himself wordlessly and began to scuttle around the place with purpose known only to him. The light was getting darker, half a day has passed since they first met Rami and Clarke was more than tired. Rami went out to collect some more water from the stream and poured some in Clarke’s mug and gave one to Lexa as well. He then vanished into the kitchen and ran back and forth between the rooms, lighting a candle here, moving some buckets of water there. Clarke and Lexa hardly said a word to each other since their encounter with Rami as there was not much space for it, but were both bursting with things they wished to say, so they were looking at each other speaking with their eyes.

  
They were both tired and Clarke desperately needed to rest, the miraculous ointment Rami has put on her wounds have already made her feel better, the pain was still there, but she didn’t feel it burning nor she felt she had a high fever like before and she was deeply thankful to the boy for taking care of her, thinking it was funny he kept calling her a healer, when it was him who had don a stellar job at fixing her up. Clarke looked at Lexa and scanned her from top to bottom and Lexa did the same with her. Only now they realized how dirty their clothes were and wondered how they are going to sleep in them in a clean house without making even more of a mess then they already did with the wound washing and as if Rami read their minds, he motioned to the room in the corner that was next to the kitchen _“Komba raun”_ he urged them.

In the corner, there was a small bathroom, a basin large enough to fit one person filled with water, it had a door that led out of the house in the corner, outside in a sort of backyard was an outhouse and a few trees, that shielded the the house from the outside influences, in between them were tall piles of rocks, arranged into a wall, tied together with a rope and and fixated with dried mud. In the middle of the small yard was a sort of wash basin made of hollowed out rock that laid embedded into the ground, and through it flew a thin stream of water which sprang from the mountain wall, just like in the front yard, only this one didn’t disappear into the ground but flew across the backyard within a stone lined groove and flew out through a hole under the wall. When they were done inspecting the backyard, they turned around to see Rami stand over the basin with a basket of hot rocks and a sort of thongs and was dropping them one by one into the basin. The water hissed as the hot rocks sank to the bottom. After he was finished he waited for a bit, then disappeared out of the door, leaving them again lost for words, but by now they were used to the rhythm and way of functioning of their host, so they just went along with it and waited for him to return. He was soon back with a pile of clothes folded into a neat chimney and stretched it out toward them. “For _yu_ ….wash _hir”_ he spoke, visibly feeling a little awkward as he spoke out in English. “Thank you” Clarke said, Lexa after her too.

Clarke looked at the clothes, they were typical grounder clothes, woman’s clothes, clean, but probably not worn in a long time. Clarke choked back tears, the boy had given them his mother’s clothes, she wasn’t sure she would be able to accept this, but her own clothes were ripped and dirty to a point where it was practically rude to wear them and Lexa’s were at least not clean enough to sleep in. “ _Ste ku._..it’s ok” He said as he noticed Clarke’s uneasy expression, again, trying to recall how the words are spoken in English, he hadn’t spoken to anyone in years, so it was difficult for him to get used to talking, yet alone using the warrior language, but part of him was excited by the opportunity so he wanted to try. Clarke had to smile, although she felt a little guilty, she couldn’t not feel like the boy was endearing in a way. “Wash _hir_ ”, he pointed to the basin and the towels made out of a worn, but clean fabric. He closed the door behind them and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> "Sis em au na gyon op” - Help her up  
> "sis tayon op” - Grab the rope  
> "Mochof" - Thank you  
> "Ai laik Rami” - I am Rami  
> "Mochof, Rami, Ai laik Leksa dison laik Klark” - Thank you, Rami, I am Lexa and this is Clarke.  
> "Yo nou laik Azgeda?” - You are not Ice Nation?  
> "Nou, osir nou laik Azgeda. Ai laik kom Trikru en Klarke laik kom Skaikru.” - No, we are not Ice Nation. I am from Tree clan and Clarke is from Sky people clan  
> “Ai laik Trikru! ....Skai...kru?” - I am from Tree clan! Sky clan?  
> “Sha, ai slip daun kom skai ona ayon skaifloudon” - Yes, I fell down from sky in a metal spaceship  
> "Jos bilaik Becca Pramheda??!” - Just like Becca Pramheda?  
> "Nou na laik ridiyo!” - It isn't true.  
> "Sha, em laik ridiyo” - Yes, it is true.  
> “Yu laik fisa?” - You are healer?  
> "Eir slip daun kom skai!” - Eir,fell down from sky!  
> "Miya" - Come here.  
> "Trijus" - Tree sap  
> "Yu na kamp raun ai hou kom taim Ei-Klar..ke gon figa" - You can stay at my house until Clarke is healed.  
> "Sin, au Eir" - Witness - Eir!  
> “Yu na fig gonasleng au?” - You can read/understand English?  
> "louki" - a little  
> "ai nomon don fig em au laud gon ai” - My mother used to read to me  
> “yu nomon?.. Em na fig gonasleng au?“ - Your mother? She could read in English?  
> "Chon yu nomon bilaik?” - Who was your mother?  
> “Em don laik seda” - She was a teacher.  
> "Chit don gon daun gon yu nomon?” - What happened to your mother?  
> “Em don ge rip klin.” - She was murdered  
> "Gon ai non-tu seintaim...” - And my father too.  
> "Choj op" - eat  
> "Komba raun" - come here  
> "Ste ku" - It's alright


	9. Unexpected Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke found themselves at the home of their mysterious rescuer.

Clarke looked at Lexa at the same time the brunette looked at her, they hardly said a word to each other since the accident as too much has happened in that fairly short amount of time. There was so much to discuss. Clarke looked at Lexa at the same time the brunette looked at her, they hardly said a word to each other since the accident as too much has happened in that fairly short amount of time. There was so much to discuss. _Who was this boy? Who were his parents?_

As much as her head was reeling with these questions, her emotions were finally starting to catch up with her. Clarke didn’t scare easily, but hanging by a thread on the cliff with nothing but endless emptiness below her, with a bleak outlook on the possibility of getting back up again, shook her.

She was truly thankful to be alive and even more so, because she had Lexa...if that’s what it could be called, but perhaps until then she didn’t realize how much that meant to her… how much she meant to her. Clarke was looking into Lexa’s beaming jade orbs and realizing the depth of feelings she held for the Grounder leader.

When she was there on the cliff, barely holding onto the piece of rock, her arms burning with exhaustion, her fingers slipping, all she could think of was her father, disappearing into the void, thinking how his departure left a hole in her heart, how now she too would also disappear into the void...thinking she would miss her mom, thinking about the things she didn’t manage to say to her, to her friends, but most of all to Lexa. The Commander was looking at her as if her thoughts reflected those of Clarke, her gaze showing a mixture of relief, fear, gratefulness, but most of all longing.

Clarke’s face muscles crinkled in a broken frown as she let out “Lexa, I…” she didn’t manage to finish the sentence as her lips crashed onto Lexa’s that met her half way. “Klark” the brunette uttered between the gasps for air. She too didn’t let her emotions flow out until this moment, but the truth was, seeing Clarke slip through the ground only to try to hold onto her hands with the last of her strength as not to lose the girl that held her heart and soul in hers, left her more terrified than she could have imagined.

Lexa kissed the blond back as if this was her last chance to do so. “I thought…. I thought I would lose you again.” Clarke muttered in between the wet kisses “Lexa…” She pulled back a little, only so far so she could look into the green oceans her soul was dissolved in, streaks of tears on her cheeks, her lips trembling. “Lexa...I.. love you.” “I love you…” She rested her forehead against Lexa’s.

Feeling both relieved and devastated, there was no going back. Lexa pulled away ever so slightly, her mouth agape, she tried to let the words out, but they got trapped in her throat. She felt a tear rolling down her cheek as she stared into the blonde's azure eyes, those eyes...most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. Lexa managed to inhale a bit of air, as to give fuel to the words that have been locked in her heart for a long time now. Her mouth opened while Clarked starred vulnerably into her eyes.

She could no longer pretend Clarke wasn’t everything. There was no fighting it, no denying it, Clarke owned her heart and there was nothing she could do to change that. “I love you..Klark”. Clarke’s jaw dropped in awe, Lexa felt the same as she had, a subtle calm came over her. Clarke closed her eyes and crashed her lips onto Lexa’s one more time. After a long while of standing in the bathroom wrapped in a quiet embrace, Lexa pulled away tenderly and looked at Clarke caringly. “The water’s getting cold, you should go in first.” Clarke looked at Lexa as if she was a divine apparition, wanting to protest, but just nodding instead.

Clarke felt her cheeks blush lightly, she would love nothing more than to shed her clothes, rip of Lexa’s and dissolve in her there and then, but the situation was a bit awkward, with them being in a stranger’s house and Clarke being all beat up and bandaged, she didn’t really feel very sexy. Lexa realized what had to have been going through Clarke’s mind and blushed a little herself.

“I’m going to turn around” she was already halfway turned before she finished the sentence. Clarke wanted to protest, but the truth was, she was glad, she wasn’t sure how to deal with this situation. She began to undress herself, letting the clothes fall down around her ankles. Lexa’s body tensed up and she tried to breathe away the tension while trying to find something interesting about the cracks in the upper corner of the room in order to distract herself. In the meantime, Clarke was trying to wash off the worst of the grease and dirt with a cloth she kept washing in a bucket she filled with some water from the tub, she didn’t want to ruin the bath right away.

After a moment of quiet Lexa heard a sound of mass slipping into a body of water. “Lexa?” She turned around at the sound of her name, her eyes instinctively fell on the partly distorted image of Clarke’s naked body under the water surface, her breasts peeking above it. Lexa, again somewhat flustered, a rare sight indeed, stood there quietly for a second before she exhaled the nervousness away in her Commanderly manner. She straightened before she spoke to Clarke “You probably shouldn’t stay in for too long because of the wound”. “I know..” Clarke replied calmly without trying too hard to conceal the hint of disappointment within.

She could already feel her wound - wounds to be more precise - burning somewhat, but she could not deny the warm comfort dissolving the dirt and the tension she felt all over. If only she could stay in for hours, but she knew she had to get out of the bath quickly. She looked at Lexa before she closed her eyes and tilted her head backwards to rest it against the edge of the tub. Just a moment, just a little while, she desperately needed this. Clark was sure she has never had a better bathing experience in her life, her mind drifted to a fantasy where Lexa joined her, but the fire in her wounds reminded her this was not the time to lose control, despite how much she wanted to. She felt a tender touch on her face as Lexa's fingers caressed her. “Klark.” She heard the gentle sound knowing what Lexa meant by it. She opened her eyes and replied just as simply with “I know”.

Their eyes meeting in a silent conversation like they often did and Clarke smiled at Lexa flirtatiously extending her hand toward the brunette “Aren’t you gonna help me out?”. Lexa blushed imperceptibly, in part it surprised her, but then again, it was so Clarke. After her brief internal struggle she decided it was in Clarke’s best interest to get out of the water without the delay, took her hand and helped the blonde step out of the tub onto the makeshift rug next to it. And good she did as Clarke was still quite weak and staggered a little as she stepped out with the second leg. Lexa caught her instantly, arms wrapped around Clarke’s back, her warm wet skin soaking into her dusty clothing.

She could feel Clarke’s warmth speeding up her heartbeat, her closeness always made it hard to breathe. Lexa pulled away slowly, still holding Clarke in her arms, her eyes widened as they landed on Clarke’s breasts, taking in her belly below as her view was disappearing even lower. Lexa wasn’t sure what to do, the way Clarke made her feel was almost physically uncomfortable, even painful, her muscles started to turn to stone. Clarke could feel her distress and moved closer in order to land a kiss on Lexa’s cheek before hugging her. Lexa softened in Clarke’s embrace, the longing was killing them both, but somehow Clarke was able to better handle it at times, comforting Lexa. Afterall Clarke did enjoy her fair share of closeness here and there, but it had to be years since Lexa was even close to anything like this.

Clarke could feel a foreign wetness on her shoulder where Lexa’s head laid. She didn’t have to ask, she knew it was a side effect of Lexa’s walls crumbling down, the fear of loss condensing into tears that streaked her cheeks, so she hugged Lexa a little more tightly, calming the otherwise fearless leader some more with words of assurance “I’m not going anywhere.” They stood there for a while and Lexa could feel Clarke shiver in her embrace, the bathroom wasn’t that warm and Clarke was bare. She pulled away to grab the big towel and wrapped it around Clarke in a swift motion, catching a glimpse of her naked body before it got covered by the clean fabric. Lexa cupped Clarkes cheek and gave her a smile before turning toward the tub.

The water was dirty, too dirty for anyone else to take bath in it, Clarke turned to it too and a feeling of guilt came over her face, she hoped that washing a bit before stepping inside would help, but she underestimated how much dirt she gathered during her adventure. Before she could say anything Lexa smiled and said “It’s ok, I can take a shower outside”. Clarke wanted to say something, it was quite cold outside and she imagined the water out there wasn’t heated either. Lexa responded still with her smile on “It’s ok, Klark, I’m used to this”.

Clarke wasn’t too happy about the idea, but there was not much she could do about it so she nodded in response with a bit concerned look. “Go ahead and get warm inside, I will be there shortly”. Clarke felt a hidden disappointment pass through her. She sort of hoped to see Lexa naked, but it was probably better not to rub the salt in the wounds of her desire, it was for the best, not like there was much to do about that either, but she could simply never get enough of Lexa. Of that voice, those eyes, of that scent of that sight... Clarke gave her one more nod and watched Lexa slip outside through the other door that led outside into the backyard with a water source.

Clarke went on to dry her hair and skin, carefully around the larger scratches, her bandages were of course wet, they needed to be replaced. She peeled them away cautiously, then finished drying the rest of her body and slipped into the beige colored clothes designated for her that rested neatly folded on the bathroom cabinet. The clothes fit her well, they were only a size or so too big for her, but then again, she wasn’t sure how the grounder clothes were supposed to fit, it was the first time she ever wore clothes other than those made on the Ark, it felt a little odd, but very comfortable, she pondered if she could get used to this, although wearing somebody else's underwear felt a little strange.

She took a look at her own clothes and she couldn’t not feel a bit disgusted, she wondered if there was anything left to salvage. She left them there for the time being and slipped back into the living room where Rami was setting up the small table near the fireplace. “ _Oh, Cl-ark! Miya!_ ” he half shouted at her in excitement and motioned to come join him. He noticed the bandage around her leg was gone which made him look at her in a slightly reproving way. “ _Teik ai...change rapon_ ” he muttered with his Triglish. Clarke realized she would have to take off the pants which now made her feel slightly uncomfortable that she wasn’t distracted by emergency, but Rami pointed towards the sort of buttons lining the outer edges of the pants, that allowed them to be opened along the whole lateral side or just in places if the wearer so wished. Very practical she thought to herself, she could imagine it coming in handy during warmer months or in such a case as this. Clarke undid a few of the knobs exposing her the slightly oozing wound, but surprisingly not as bad looking as she thought it would be after the shower. Seems the miraculous resin was even better then she already thought it to be.

“Sit, _son op_ ” he pointed towards the spot closest to the fireplace. It was better to dry the wound before it got redressed. Rami disappeared into the room next to the bathroom before returning with a bunch of fresh bandages, leaving a short moment for her to bask in the long forgotten feeling of being fresh and clean. The house smelled nicely thanks to some food cooking on the stove, only in that moment Clarke realized she was starving, it was already fairly late in the evening and the few bites of dried meat they had when they got to Rami’s house, weren’t enough to replenish her strength. Just as Rami began redressing Clarke’s wound, Lexa entered the room. Had Clarke been speaking in that moment she would become lost for words. Lexa stood there in the doorway as both of them stared at her.

Rami went back to his task shortly, but Clarke was still looking at Lexa. Her dark wet hair fell freely over her shoulders, wavy and unbraided, she wore the plain grounder clothes not unlike hers, except for her set was in shades of black. She looked somehow more open and vulnerable then in her fierce looking warrior clothes and while the clothes weren’t in any way fashionable, this look on Lexa was something she had never seen before and it rendered her temporarily speechless. Lexa sent a delicate smile her way that pulled Clarke back to the present moment, she smiled back, she wanted to comment on Lexa’s looks, but she felt it inappropriate in the moment. But in fact she wasn’t even sure what she would say.

Lexa stepped into the room and joined them at the low table. Her green gaze shifted towards the boy, continuing her detective work from before, she simply couldn’t shake all the questions that popped up in her mind, but for now she tried not to pry much, he was a very generous host and she was deeply thankful to him. Rami finished wrapping a new bandage around Clarke’s thigh and just as he did he sprung up as if he just remembered something and sure enough he bolted into the kitchen to take the pot off the stove. Dinner was ready. Rami grabbed the big pot by the handles with two pieces of cloth wrapped around them and brought it over to the table the two girls were sitting at. He carefully poured the thick soup-like liquid into each bowl. It was yellow, lumpy and had some pieces of green herb or a sort of vegetable mixed in it. It was humble looking, but smelled very nice.

Probably better than most meals they had on the Ark she thought to herself. While she examined the soup with her eyes, Rami jumped back in and out of the kitchen again and brought over a plate with more of the dried meat they ate in the afternoon. It was by no means a feast, but from where Clarke was sitting it might as well have been. She couldn’t remember when was the last time she had something that resembled “dinner” in the proper sense of the word. She could hardly wait for the soup to cool down properly, this was truly heaven sent. 


End file.
